11 Reasons You Should Consider Dating a Divorced Man
Many daters associate divorced people with excess baggage. While there can be some red flags (like if his relationship ended because he was unfaithful ), people who’ve been through a divorce tend to have a deeper, more realistic perspective on marriage than those haven’t. We asked experts and women who’ve dated (and even married!) divorc s to explain the many upsides to seeing a formerly married man.
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1. He’s aware of his past mistakes and shortcomings. As a marriage unravels, “wives are pretty verbal about what they perceive their husbands did wrong,” whether it be too much time at the office or being an awful communicator, says marriage and family therapist Rachel Sussman. That’s why, Iris, 62, who met her previously married husband on JDate, sees “being divorced as a strength if the man has learned about himself and is able to embrace change,” she says.
2. He can communicate and cooperate. Joining lives can go more smoothly with someone who’s done so with someone else. “Divorced men have experience sharing finances, a home and schedules. These can be great perks,” says licensed psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina. PhD. They’re also more “willing to share their feelings and tackle the tough topics,” says relationship expert Lori Bizzoco, founder of CupidsPulse.com. These are all so crucial to a successful union.
3. He’s not afraid of commitment. Talking about the future doesn’t prompt most divorced guys to run for the hills the way it might lifelong older bachelors. “Men who are divorced enjoy companionship that they were familiar with having been married before,” says LaPronda, 43, who’s dated both never-married and divorced men. “They don’t shy away from a conversation about relationships, marriage, love and intimacy.” Adds Bizzoco, “Even though his previous marriage didn’t work out, dating shows he’s willing to open himself up to love and that he’s interested in something serious again.”
4. He’s determined to create a strong relationship. Men naturally want to “fix” things and problem solve, life coach and dating expert Brooke Lewis points out, which can translate into a post-divorce desire for a successful new relationship. “Many men have openly shared with me that they’d love to ‘make a marriage right this time.'” Andrea, 47, who met her husband on ChristianMingle.com, experienced this phenomenon first-hand. “Our previous marriages and subsequent divorces taught us what’s important to fight for and how not to sweat the small stuff,” she says.
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5. He’s honest about his wants and needs. “Many marriages fail because men didn’t realize that they wanted a woman with certain traits the first time around,” says relationship expert April Masini,author of Date Out of Your League. “Now they do, and you benefit from a man who’s clear on this.”Divorc s’ straightforwardness can save you a lot of dating guesswork, adds clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD .”They may be more upfront about their limitations and strengths resulting in less game-playing and time wasted in relationships that won’t work.”
6. He’s sexually experienced. Consummating a marriage gives divorced guys a leg up on pure bachelors in the bedroom. “If nothing else, they may have learned appropriate bedroom chivalry: Ladies first,” says professional matchmaker and dating coach Karla Moore. These men “tend to be more patient, less self-centered and more inspired to please a woman.” Dating expert Scott Carroll. MD, who’s a formerly divorced, now married man, agrees. With any luck, “his ex taught him about the female body, what it takes to get a woman interested and how to give her an orgasm,” he says.
7. He has reasonable expectations for marriage. If he imagined post-wedding life to be perfect before he was divorced, he knows better now. “ Divorced men are no longer living in fantasy land,”Dr.Tessina says, noting that she andher husband had both gone through splits when they married 32 years ago. “They have a more realistic picture of what it takes to have a successful relationship.”This makes for a more grounded union, Dr. Carroll explains. “When you get married a second time, your expectations are a lot lower.” But that’s a good thing because he’s less likely to be disappointed.
8. He’s more sensitive to your needs. Divorced men have the gifts of hindsight and feedback, which make them more attentive partners in their next relationships, Sussman says. Lewis addsthat she has actually seen this in her own dating experiences. “I have dated divorced men who’ve admitted they wish they had been more romantic, listened more, brought their wives flowers more often or had been more complimentary to their women,” she says. “Well, ladies, guess who benefits from those lessons? We do!”
9. He’s “house-broken.” Already having been married, divorced men come “trained,” as Lewis puts it.”They seem to naturally offer to do things that a lot of never-been-married don’t think to do for another person,” taking her car for an oil change to bringing her breakfast in bed. Dr. Carroll adds, in addition to being less attentive, men who have never been married typically need time to learn basic things like putting the seat down to letting their partners cry it out without trying to fix the issue.
10. If he has kids, he’s more accepting of yours or your childless status. On the one hand, Masini notes that these men won’t amplify your ticking biological clock. “Divorced men may be done having kids after one marriage,” so if you don’t want any, he won’t push the issue unlike some single, childless men, she says. On the other hand, Lewis says that divorced men tend to be more open to moms. “Men with kids understand your schedule, lifestyle, priorities and responsibilities because they have a similar life experience,” she says.
11. He’s likely financially independent and stable. In most cases, Dr. Carroll says, divorced men are more established professionally and may make more money than single guys who’ve never been married. At the very least, Moore says, divorc s are more money-savvy than pure bachelors. Odds are, “the divorced man has completed his education and is more settled in his career,” since he had already hit the married life stage.