Why is Dating Korean Girls So Hard? #interracial #dating


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“Why is Dating Korean Girls So Difficult?”

Want to start dating Korean girls? Chances are you’ve hit a wall and are not sure what the heck is going on.

That’s alright. There are things that most expats don’t know at first. Once you’re aware of what’s going on behind the scenes you’ll have more peace of mind.

Know that it took me more than 5 years to figure out Korea’s women (and I still have loads to learn!) In any case benefit from what I’ve discovered and make your dating life with women from the Land of the Morning Calm easier.

Korea’s Women Aren’t Supposed To Talk To Strangers.

Did you have a hard time talking to that woman from Korea?

If dating a woman from Korea wasn’t hard enough – getting a conversation going is tough too!

Unlike most Western cultures – in Korea’s culture it’s borderline weird to talk to strangers (or “mollen saram” as you would say in Korea.)

To talk to strangers means that you have no friends or family.

So if you strike a conversation with her (even to ask for directions) she might walk away. Why?

Because she’s not supposed to talk to you AND she might have to speak English…this makes her even more uncomfortable.

But let’s say you do get to talk to girls from Korea and set up dates. They’re not showing up (even though they were so excited to meet you an hour before the date.)

“Why Didn’t She Show up For The Date?”

So you’ve watched a few K-pop videos of fashionable ladies from Korea. Your Asian friends have told you how “easy” dating those girls is. You’ve believed the surface advertising.

In reality most women from there are conservative. They have social and family obligations that hold them back from going on that date with you (even if they’d love to).

The typical woman must

• marry a local man (of higher status hopefully) before 30
• make children with this guy
• take care of the children as that’s her only real purpose

Now this is an oversimplified version of her expectations but they’re it.

From their society’s perspective – if she deviates from this then indirectly she becomes an “outcast”. Even if she doesn’t the fear of becoming one will hold her back from dating you.

So if she’s not showing up at the dates it’s because her friends and family have reminded her of her “duties” – making dating Korean girls difficult.

Notice my contemptuous tone – I’ve lost Seoul girlfriends simply because I wasn’t “local” enough and yes…it has made me somewhat bitter (unfortunately.) But I’m getting better. 😉

But let’s say you and her are going on a date in Korea. What might make her feel uncomfortable? The stares from local guys.

Local Guys Don’t Want You Dating Korean Girls

If Korea’s culture and society didn’t make it tough enough – Local guys (in general) don’t want it to happen either. They’ll shame her into not dating you.

Note that the prettier she is – the more guys will shame her. Heck one friend of mine told me that guys would straight up walk to her and tell her how ashamed she should be! He was dating a flight attendant and this happened in the Seoul subway.

They’re afraid that you’ll “take their women” (as if women belong to someone.) In reality they’re jealous and insecure. Yes – I’ll say it again: jealous and insecure.

They’re jealous because their society holds them back from dating Korean girls the way they genuinely want.

Expats on the other hand don’t have to deal with their society as much. Local guys (like local women) have obligations too and envy expats because they don’t.

They’re insecure because expats are a variable they can’t control. Not only that but in the hierarchy of things they subconsciously see ‘Western men’ as being slotted above them. Personally I think this is stupid but I didn’t make up the society or their points of view.

Note: Korean guys reading this – don’t confuse the message with the messenger. I’m just calling it as it is.

I also know that you think that most Western men look down on you (and all this adds to the resentment.) Then again I’m open to debate as to what you think is going on.

All in all – these 3 things make dating women from Korea difficult.

“Gee…Should I Even Bother Trying To Date Her if She’s From Korea?”

Definitely. Discover how to meet hot Korean women and make it happen. Koreans as individuals are great to be around. I love meeting them on a personal level.

That being said you’ll have a hard time without it being your fault because of their strict society. Accept the reality and work with it.

In fact you might be pleasantly surprised to discover that Korea is changing to becoming more open-minded.

In any case – Korean women are gorgeous and going through the process to date one is worth it.

For tips and advice on how to make that happen put your name and email in the boxes below. Get my most exclusive information sent straight to your inbox. I’m talking about the kind of stuff I wish I had known before I went out to date local girls.


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    This week we try to tackle the issue of dating in Korea, which quite obviously we can t give a lot of insight into, since we re married to each other and have never dated anyone in Korea. In fact, we ve never dated anyone Asian ever in our entire lives. So the best we can do here is to relate the stories we ve heard from our close friends who have dated people in Korea. We re lucky to get both perspectives: that is our Korean friends tell us about dating foreigners, and vice-versa. Seeing as this is just us relating anecdotal stories to you, they do not represent Korea as a whole, obviously. We can only offer you their perspectives on the situation.

    Anyhow, there are a couple things that we ve noticed that are commonly related to us by our friends who date Korean people. Primarily:

    1) Forget that stupid Should I call or Shouldn t I Call Rule
    Garbage! We re so glad that Korea doesn t seem to use this rule. From what we ve been told, if you meet someone and you like them and you exchange numbers, you don t wait for a few days before you call them again. You just call them THAT NIGHT or the next day. When we asked our Korean friends about this, they told us that this is standard practice, and in fact if you don t call right away then it s a sign that you re NOT interested in them. Sounds weird, huh?

    You have a phone. Use it!

    But it makes sense! Seriously! Why wait for so long for fear of looking like a creeper or overly keen? It s true that we operate off a principal of less interest, in which the person who shows less interest has more power in the relationship, as the one being neglected will try to compensate by showing more interest. Then you get the stupid well if I pretend not to like them then they ll start to worry and like me back kind of deal. What silliness!

    If you meet someone and like them, call them up. Stop the subtle jockeying for position. And, likewise, if you re in Korea, prepare to not play that game anymore. Of course, that doesn t mean that there aren t other games to be played, just not ones we re used to in North America.

    2) Send lots of text messages. :
    Now, this might not be a golden rule, but just a pattern that we ve noticed, but our friends who are dating Koreans, or Korean people dating each other, tend to text message their significant others a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It s hard to have conversations over food because they re always writing something on their phones. It s funny how constant question asking and texting doesn t transfer over well to a North American crowd. Even our Korean friends who moved to North America complained that they freaked out their Asian-American boyfriend by texting too much. Asian-American does not always equal Asian culture. It could just be fluke instances that we re hearing about but we do see lots of text messaging. Are we wrong here? Again, we re just trying to observe from an outsider s perspective.

    3) Go public to get private :
    Real estate is really expensive here in Korea. Not only do you pay monthly rent, but you have to put down a huge deposit, usually around $10,000 for the deposit, and oftentimes more. You get that deposit back by the end of your lease, mind you, but the problem for many people is simply coming up with the money for the deposit. And so, since many people can t come up with that kind of money, they stay at home with their parents and families a lot longer than usual. Usually until they go to University, and then they move back in until they get married.

    So everyone goes out! Korean Coffee shops are open reallllly late; like until 1am and sometimes later. Which is why you ll see some of them have really cool atmospheres, perfect for dating, like Cafe Lua. Restaurants and movie theatres, and private DVD rooms are everywhere. On the street behind our apartment, not even the main street, there are three coffee shops on the same small strip of road, not even a three minute walk from one end to the other. And the coffee shops are crammed, most often with couples longingly looking into each others eyes. Also, if you want to go somewhere private for playing Yahtzee, then you have love motels that offer you the privacy you need, either by the night or like a boss by the hour.

    Random side note, love motels are EVERYWHERE in every city in Korea, so if we re worried about spending money on booking a hotel, don t do it! Majority of foreigners crash at love motels when visiting friends in other cities! A simple looking/fringed covered parking lot/single tower with small windows/gaudy named = love motel/love hotel. There are usually 2 or 3 in one area so you can compare rates. Some of them are totally amazing, with comfy big beds, hot tubs, and flat screen TVs and others are just simple with a bed and bathroom. For $30-$60 bucks a night, you can t go wrong! Anyways, we digressed

    Again, this is just our attempt to relate what others have told us. Some people will have terrible stories about their experiences, and some will have great ones, and neither side represents dating in Korea as a whole. If you have any stories about dating you can relate here, either confirming similar experiences, denying them outright, or just adding your own stories, we d much appreciate it!