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7 Ways to Survive Dating Over 50 #free #internet #dating


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7 Ways to Survive Dating Over 50

I’ve been thinking about writing on this topic for a while. I’m over 50 and single and have a lot of friends in the same boat. And what I’ve found is that dating over 50 is just insane! What I thought I knew –and mastered fairly well in my younger years — doesn’t seem to translate into the dating scene of today. So what do you do when you’re single and want to meet someone interesting and emotionally available? Or is that really an option for women in midlife?

From Allison over at Women Bloom. dating at 50+ is like a “roller coaster”:

I’ve been known to think finding the right guy at this time in life, online or otherwise, was akin to pigs flying, or a snowball coolly sipping an iced latte in hell. Just listen to me rant about my recent adventures on Match.com and you’ll see why I might be excused for thinking that.

But, hope springs eternal. I have a dear guy friend who recently reconnected with a college love interest. It was not to be in their younger days, but they have blasted aside all logistical complications and emotional fears in their late 40s. She has moved from her longtime home to live with him clear across the country. Because they are soul mates. I LOVE that! Maybe it COULD happen to ME!

Could it? Like Allison, I know women who found their soul mates in midlife. Over at Gen Plus. guest author Dee Frazier agrees that single women over 50 should get back in the dating game but maybe with a different mindset. According to Dee, dating can actually be fun if we view it as “just a date — not the rest of your life.”

Are you wading around in the dating pool? Are you clueless of what the new rules are and bogged down with fear? Hesitating because the dating game has changed dramatically since you were in your 20s?

Sooner or later­ if you truly desire a relationship ­ you must jump in. Make a big splash. When you decide that you are ready to play the dating game, look at it as an adventure.

The grown-up dating game has never been more interesting and challenging. There are more players than ever before. Why? Because of higher divorce rates, longer life spans, and a greater tendency to never marry. This contributes to more single Americans than at any other time in our country’s history.

The U.S. Census Bureau tells us that of the 97 million Americans who are 45 or older, almost 40 percent ­36.2 million­ are available singles. There is no shame in being single.

How do we get back in the dating game though? I’ve tried the online experience several times since I divorced. On Match.com I heard from men who were interested. But I had to weed through the profiles myself, which actually seemed like work after a while. Two of the men I agree to meet were 10 years older than their profile age and another had an online picture of himself at least 40 pounds lighter than when I met him.

Next I tried a site where they do pre-screening — PerfectMatch.com, the site featured in the movie “Must Love Dogs”. Well I didn’t get the dog or a date. After hours of completing my profile and their detailed matching assessment, PerfectMatch matched me with one prospect in the 3 months I was a member.

My last experience was with Chemistry.com — the latest, supposedly most inclusive online dating site. Again I created my profile, put up a decent photo and filled out the personality assessment. It was funny how many of the prospects Chemistry sent were the polar opposite of who I said I was looking for. I was connected though with 2 very nice men who shared that they were getting complimentary Chemistry memberships and had been for months. I inquired about this obvious disparity — women pay, men don’t, but got no clear answer from Chemistry so I didn’t renew.

I haven’t given up on dating over 50 but here are 7 survival tips I’ve learned along the way:

This isn’t the dating scene our younger selves were used to. By far the best midlife dating primer I’ve run across is an “everything you wanted to know about dating over 50” article by Alisa Miller over at Nerds Do It Better — and yes they mean that “it”! There are books, CDs, coaches, courses and any number of other resources available elsewhere. But save yourself some money and use Alisa’s article to get the lay of the land as you venture onto the over 50 dating scene.

She includes links to all the dating sites for seniors — which in dating land means anyone over 40 or 50, which really galls me but I digress. And Alisa gives online and general dating sites, tips for meeting online or not and a full 10 pages of dating resources that are well-organized with all the links. I have to admit that when I read her article I was amazed that only 3 people had commented — and one was a man!

2. Have a dating “kitchen cabinet”.

Francis and Michael, longtime friends and a gay couple, are my dating kitchen cabinet. Maybe it’s just me but I like to have a second opinion if I’m really interested in someone. My friends have the ability to see aspects of someone’s personality that I may not. Francis and Michael are always honest and candid about what they see and if they don’t like my date, they’ll say so. It’s not that their opinions are gospel, but they do offer me the opportunity to view a date from a different perspective.

3. Put your best foot forward.

I hate to say it but there’s serious competition out there based on the numbers from the Census Bureau. For online dating spend time writing a profile that shows you in the best light. Get a friend’s opinion on the final draft. And if you don’t have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post.

Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet — like a uniform. When you have that first date, you don’t have to agonize over what to where, how it fits, how you’ll look. You’ll already know and be able to head to meet Mr. Maybe-Right with a little less stress. And the best thing to show on the first date is the real you. At 50+, who has time for being anything but authentic.

I’m not looking for Prince Charming anymore — I went to his funeral years ago. As I’ve gotten older, my ideal date is kind, smart, emotionally available (did I say that already?), thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than chocolate or coffee. Have you made a list of the qualities you’d like to find in the people you date at this point in life? It helps you get real clear — again — on what works and what’s non-negotiable for you in a relationship. If someone doesn’t measure up, don’t settle for less than what you want.

When I was young, I took the whole dating thing so seriously. As I think back on it, the end goal was to get married and have a family — at least that’s what I learned back in the day. Now I don’t really worry about getting married again. So I’m less wedded — not to make a pun — to the end result and more to the journey in a relationship.

I’ve also accepted that sometimes I meet someone who just not that into me. If you haven’t read the book by that name, it’s enlightening– and liberating. From Kathryn Lord, the Romance Coach. here are a few signs that a man just isn’t that into you:

  • He tells you he’s just not that into you.
  • He tells you he isn’t ready to settle down into a relationship.
  • Doesn’t give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
  • He doesn’t call.

6. Protect yourself in all ways possible.

First, don’t share personal information, like your contact info until you’ve really gotten a comfort level with someone. For instance, keep your email private which the top online dating sites always do for you. If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn’t revealed.

When you’re ready to meet someone in person — coffee in a very public place is a good first date — advise a friend where you’re going and that you will call after you leave. My sister and I have this arrangement and it works well. Once I progress to a longer date, like dinner, my sister knows to call at a certain time. As I answer the call in front of my date, I apologize and jokingly explain how my sister and I look out for one another because my date — and yours — should know that someone cares about us.

The other way to protect yourself is at the point you decide to take a new relationship into intimacy. The bottom line is that over 50, we need our own stash of condoms and — no you can’t depend on the other person to have one. Nancy over at Boomerful. who found herself single in midlife, reports that:

After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life. Don’t consider any other way, unless you are really monogamous and have both been tested. If you are in bed with a guy and he doesn’t have the guts to use a condom. or he tries to convince you that one isn’t needed. RUN. He is not worth a conversation, much less your body fluids and possibly your life.

If you’re timid about buying a box of condoms from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist — it is a weird feeling — then you can buy them online .

This one sounds easy but I’m not quite there. It’s a goal I haven’t quite reached yet in this new world of dating over 50. I’m hopeful, though.

Contributing Editor on Midlife Issues


Dating websites for over-50s reviewed: Match, Dating Over 50, Tinder #free #dating #web #sites


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Over-50s dating sites: The men I met on Match.com, Dating Over 50 and Tinder

Last week I reported on my exploration of online dating for over-50s and discovered which are the best sites for us (and which aren’t). Despite my initial trepidation about putting myself so out there I was soon ‘winking’ at and connecting with (and dismissing) so many men I could barely keep track of what I’d told to whom.

Finally I narrowed it down to three men I’d like to meet IRL (‘In Real Life’ – I know all the lingo now). Here’s what happened, and the ten things I learnt about online dating over 50.

Date one: ‘Unicorn’ (found onMatch.com)

I nervously head off to a coffee shop in Marylebone for my date with Unicorn, the horned (and possibly horny!) stallion. His name is Steve, a father of three, grandfather of four. He is six feet tall, wearing a tweed jacket, and much more decrepit than his online photo. He is presentable and polite, but has appalling bad breath and is old enough to be my father.

He says he’s pleasantly surprised to meet me (what was he expecting?) and the monologue, as it turned out to be, begins. He is retired (obviously), comfortably off, and has travelled for his work in construction. He shows me pictures of the flat he has bought, tells me how much he bought it for, how much it’s now worth and about the planning permission for his new extension. Yawn.

He asks where he should put the kitchen. I don’t think our relationship has got far enough of me to have an opinion on this.

The only other question he asks me is whether my children live with me. He doesn’t ask any questions about them; his only concern is if they are going to get in the way of this burgeoning (not) affair.

He says he has been online dating for many years but never felt a connection with anyone. I restrain myself from suggesting that asking questions and being interested in the person in front of you may not go amiss. As I make my excuses to leave he puts his head on one side and, with labrador eyes and an air of desperation, asks if he can see me again. No way, granddad.

Date two: Peter (found on DatingOver50 )

This one has possibilities: with a little imagination his profile picture could be of him on a private jet. We meet in the bar at St Pancras station. He is nice looking but shabbier than his photo, wearing a checked shirt, jacket and jeans.

Through email we are up to date on children, music and travel. He is easygoing, asks what sports I’m into and what kind of holidays I like, and the conversation flows.

He’s been on Dating Over 50 for three months and been on 15 dates. He says each of the women lied about their age and their photos were clearly out of date. Honesty, he felt, was crucial in this game, at which point I gulped and came clean – I had given a fake name.

His approach to online dating was to go into it with an open mind and just enjoy the encounters. Treat it like a game, he said. He certainly felt he had his money’s worth.

Peter was fun, and nice, and normal (whatever that is), but he too had that labrador look when I said I had to leave. He texted within ten minutes saying how much he had enjoyed meeting me, what great company I was and that he would be in touch.

Of course I was flattered but to play a good game, I thought, there must be an element of cool, even if meeting through a dating site. He was good company but I couldn’t see it going any further.

So when he texted again the next day, I let him down gently (I hope) with a carefully worded text. I do honestly hope he meets someone as ‘nice’ as he is. (Maybe nice is not what I m looking for )

Date three: Rajiv (found on Tinder )

Two days later I meet Rajiv in a Soho coffee house. He is in his early forties and we instantly agree this not going to lead to a relationship of any sort, and that’s fine. So, thankfully, he doesn’t ask any boring questions.

Instead, he teaches me how to tweet and we have an interesting chat about his political convictions. He tweets a lot about his disappointment in Obama. I liked his tweet on the latest Marina Rinaldi advert, which claims that ‘women are back’; he rightly tweets ‘where have they been?’.

I ask if he’s had any sexual encounters through Tinder but he admits only to late-night sexting, which he finds a big turn-on. He politely says he will leave it up to me to be in touch. I hope he realises his dream of buying a tea plantation but we won’t be going on a further date, much to his relief, I think. And there definitely won’t be any late-night sexting.

Is online dating worth the effort?

Even though none of my dates was successful, yes, I think it’s worth it. It wasn’t as scary as I first thought, and it builds your self-confidence.

I enjoyed the email exchanges with potential dates but was frustrated not to be asked out more. I was doing the running and turning into a predatory female, which i didn t like.

Each date was polite and blind dates are initially exciting. But it takes only a few seconds of meeting for disappointment to set in.

I was trying this because I’ve been single for two years, since my husband died. But he is a hard act to follow and I don’t think his successor is busy uploading photos of himself on to these sites. But it can be successful for many.

Start with a three-month membership, and use a good profile photo, where you look happy (I was more drawn to the photos than the written profiles). However, I found that what you write has a big effect. When I said I was looking for fun, banter and flirting I got a lot more interest than a straightforward description of myself.

It is time consuming: you really have to filter through the men on match.com, and I might have had more success on Guardian Soulmates if I had lightened my tone. More photos and an upbeat tagline certainly helped on Dating Over 50. Tinder is purely visual but irresistible, and I still can’t help wondering who s waiting round the corner now…

Ten things I learned about online dating at 50

• Nobody looks like their photo. They are all shabbier and greyer.

• Everybody lies about their age.

• You know within two seconds of meeting if there is a spark.

• Men of a certain age all ask the same questions.

• Men of a certain age all talk about property prices.

• I may be feminist in every other way but I still wanted the men to ask me out.

• Not everybody is after sex. None of my dates mentioned it (except Rajiv, because I asked him).

• Conversation and companionship are of greater importance to most.

• Your profile and tagline are of utmost importance. Find your USP. Give a sense of mystery and excitement.

• It can be fun and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.


Dating over 50 – AARP #international #dating #service


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Over 50 and Looking for Love? New Dating Site for the Older Crowd – ABC News #relationship


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Yahoo!-ABC News Network | 2016 ABC News Internet Ventures. All rights reserved.

Mention AARP and most people think of Social Security, Medicare and senior discounts. Now the group is getting into the dating business.

The organization has launched an online dating channel, and an online dating site for the over-50 crowd. It can be found at aarp.org/dating

“AARP wanted to get into the game because one, we know isolation is a very big issue for our members as they age,” said Nataki Edwards, Vice President of Digital Strategies and Operations at AARP. Edwards said a quarter of the group’s 37 million members are single and many have been asking the organization to help them link up with others.

“It’s not necessarily about getting married,” Edwards told ABC News. “It’s about the companionship and having fun things to do with someone else.”

AARP’s new venture is not the first dating site geared toward this age group. It’ll be competing with OurTime. which bills itself as the premier online 50+ dating service. AARP is partnering with HowAboutWe.com. whose philosophy is to get people out on dates early on to see if they hit it off, rather than spending a lot of time getting to know each other online, only to find there’s no chemistry when they meet in person. Edwards calls it “dating like they used to date.”

That appeals to Shelley Kilburn, who describes herself as a “54-year-old SWF (single white female).” Kilburn said she likes the idea of meeting face-to face, telling ABC News, “When you talk to someone in person you get a better image or feeling, you have that ability to use a (woman’s intuition), that sixth sense.”

Kilburn, a Southern California resident and a former news colleague of this reporter, has been divorced for five years. She hasn’t tried online dating yet, but says she might gravitate to an AARP site because to her the group has a trustworthy “history and reputation, (so) I would be comfortable.”

Carol Siflinger agrees, writing in response to a Facebook question about the new site, “It is a great idea! I would hope singles going to this site would be of a better caliber than ‘meat market’ sites!”

For those 50 and older, trying to date again can be daunting.

“It’s not so easy for people because many of them haven’t dated for 30 years or more”, said relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, who’s written extensively on sexuality. Schwartz, who is also AARP’s Love and Relationship Ambassador, says online dating can be especially unnerving. “Honestly, I think most of them go kicking and screaming. They wouldn’t do this if there was another option.”

Schwartz, who is 67, says she met her fiancé online. “It’s not easy: you have to work at it. You have to be resilient.” Of course, Schwartz adds, that’s not necessarily age-related. “Who ever found dating easy,” she says, “even when they were younger?”

Looking for a companion online worked wonderfully for Becky Hedlund Lemaire, of Breaux Bridge, La. who met her husband of six years through an online service. She says no matter which dating site you rely on, it’s important to take safety seriously.

“Always meet in public”, says Lemaire, “Don’t give out personal information and make sure someone knows where you are going to meet.”

AARP has tips too for the more mature dater – the group suggests you don’t spend the first date talking only about your children or grandchildren, or your aches and pains. The organization says its new online dating channel will help with dating advice.

Those popular senior discounts will come into play too. AARP is offering a seven-day free trial, then half off the dating service price for its members.

AARP’s Edwards said she won’t be using the new service because “I am married myself.” However, she laughs, “I have sent it to every single friend that I have who is looking.”


4 Rules For Dating After 50 (And Making Relationships Work) #a #dating #site


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4 Rules For Dating After 50 (And Making Relationships Work)

According to the latest census research, those over the age of 50 are now divorcing at double the rate of younger people. The even more riveting subgroup is those over 50 who are remarried. The odds of divorce are 40 percent higher for people in remarriages, so the people most likely to divorce late in life are the ones who have already been divorced and then remarried.

READ: The Text Message That Ended Katy Perry’s Marriage

I heard one recent news report that 40 percent of online daters today are over the age of 50. If you’re in that group, you are at significant risk for a rebound divorce, or marrying the wrong person, usually far too quickly, later in life. When those marriages don’t work out, the consequences can be even harsher because you are older and less resilient, financially and emotionally.

Here’s how to protect yourself from a crushing late in life divorce:

#1. Realize that those you date — like yourself — have significant baggage, and be prepared to deal with it. Over the age of 50, most people have baggage in the form of financial issues, emotional issues stemming from a failed marriage, children they are still raising or putting through college, and much more. The goal is to find someone with carry-on baggage, not steamer trunks.

#2. Date a long time before you plan a future. The older you are as a single person, the longer it takes to unpack the baggage. Most older daters are reluctant to reveal all of their warts in the beginning of a new relationship. The risk of rejection is so high that people tend to focus on just having fun and superficial conversation until they can build a high level of trust. That means you don’t know what you’re getting until far down the road — sometimes two or three years.

#3. When you find someone special, be bold with your questions. By pacing the relationship slowly, you can afford to dole out your biggest questions and get the answers you need. Ask about financial status, especially debt or unpaid taxes. Ask about past relationships, and listen for dysfunctional patterns that are not likely to be any different with you. Ask about issues with children, the ex and extended family. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. Dating is very personal, and the more personal your conversations early on, the more quickly you know what you’re getting into.

READ: Make Time to Make Your Marriage Work

#4. Educate yourself about dating and relationships. This is prime time to reflect and learn so that you don’t recycle the same mistakes you made during the last two decades. Use a sounding board in the form of a coach, a therapist or a trusted (wise) friend to help you see into your blind spots. Read self-help books like mine — “Date Like a CEO” for men and “Temptations of the Single Girl” for women — and arm yourself with the knowledge you’ll need to navigate the significant landmines of dating over 50.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed. LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, the author of five self-help books, and a frequent expert media guest. Read Nina’s transformational books: for women, “Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid”; and for men, “Date Like a CEO: Leadership in Life and Love for Men.” To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook “Internet Dating for the Savvy Single.” And get loads of free advice at www.singlescoach.com.


Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet #together #dating


#dating over 50

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Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet

The exciting part of dating again after age 50 is that the relationship can take any shape you want. There s more communication, more honesty, and fewer assumptions about what dating means or where it s going. Nevertheless, you still may need help navigating the dating and relationship world. Check out useful tips on writing an awesome online profile, and be inspired by ideas for inexpensive dates. Lastly, peek at some pointers on how to have great first-time sex.

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Strong Online-Dating Profiles

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

If you re 50 or older and back in the dating pool, you ll discover that one key to successful online dating is having a strong profile. Many people just dash off their online profile, but that s a really bad idea. The profile is what people ponder when they re interested enough to spend a little time deciding whether to contact you or return your contact. But the good news for you is that it s easy to outshine the competition.

Before you start typing away, you have to know what to say (and what not to say); let this list of do s and don ts guide the construction of your online-dating profile:

Always keep a warm, friendly tone in your writing.

Don t skimp on description; this is the most important part of your online presence, so write at least three paragraphs.

Be specific. Instead of just saying you love to travel, for example, talk about a specific trip.

Avoid clich s everybody likes to walk on the beach!

Be honest, or it will undermine you later.

Talk about something you did that makes you sound humane; you want people to know you re a good person.

Don t undersell yourself: Talk about an award you received, a great job, something you shine at. Remember, this is a bit like a job interview, and you have to sound better than other applicants!

Don t come across as arrogant; don t make it sound as if no one could be good enough for you.

If you have a good sense of humor, use it. If not, don t force it.

Sound like you re happy and grateful for your life. Then someone will want to share it.

Affordable Date Ideas for Over-50 Daters

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Most people date quite a bit before they find the one. Even if all your dates are just dinner and a movie, dating can get expensive. Some men and women split the bill, but if the man or woman is traditional about who pays, dating can become very pricey for the guy. There are quite a few ways to have an inexpensive date that doesn t feel cheap.

Here are a few ideas for inexpensive dates to consider:

Search the city for great food trucks. Finding them is fun, and the food is always reasonably priced.

Go to new wineries and get free tastings. The fancy established ones may have a tasting fee, but the newer ones are trying to build up a fan base, so they re usually free.

Join your local film society and go to free or cheap screenings of movies. This is one of the best values, and if you re a movie buff dating another movie buff, this could be the best date possible.

Explore intellidates. There s so much talent giving free lectures or performances on university and college campuses that you ll have a hard time choosing among your options. Check the websites of local institutions for free or inexpensive music, theater, dance, and lectures.

Do something outdoors to preserve nature. Join a conservation crew for a day: Participate in trail cleanup or other environmental group activities.

Attend dog shows, horse shows, or agricultural shows. If your date is an animal lover, these events are typically free or at least inexpensive and a great way to bring out your date s softer side.

Go to your local poetry society, library, or bookstore and listen to free readings from visiting authors. Sometimes they re well-known, and the readings are usually intimate affairs where you can have good conversation about the poems or book.

Do something a little quirky and fun. You can put up a tent and camp even if it s just in your own backyard! Or plan a picnic in your living room if you re not interested in really roughing it.

Experience the everyday majesty of nature. Get up very early and watch the sun rise, and enjoy a nice breakfast afterward. Or go see the stars on a clear night, preferably a bit out in the country where the city lights don t obscure the view.

Cozy up together. Rent the first season or more of a great TV series or miniseries, and make your own popcorn.

Cook together! Baking is particularly fun and sensual because the aroma is tantalizing long before you actually get your first bite.

Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Your First Sex Together

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Having sex for the first time with a new dating partner can be nerve-wracking, especially if you haven t slept with someone new in years. Yet, when you re older and have been sexual in your previous relationships, sex seems to happen sooner. Depending on your values, it can be a momentous occasion or just a pleasure-seeking experience. But, if you hope that it s part of a serious relationship, you re more motivated to make sure it s a happy, erotic, mutually satisfying event.

It helps to have some thoughts about how to make that first sex the successful prelude to an ongoing intimate relationship. Here are a few pointers that can help you make your first sex with your partner great:

Don t have sex right away; sex on the first or second date usually means a short relationship.

Precede sex with conversation and approach the experience with intention so that you can be prepared (nice underwear, lubrication, pills, and so on).

Set the right mood with a romantic dinner and good conversation beforehand (but don t overeat or drink too much!).

Talk about health before you get physically intimate. Plan safer sex with condoms. Don t think that makes you cheap; it doesn t. You show your concern for yourself and your partner by using protection against any sexually transmitted diseases.

As your relationship deepens and becomes more erotic, talk about what having sex means to you: Is it a declaration of love, like, or just attraction? Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

When you re ready to get sexual, pick a romantic venue; the place, the mood, and the ambience all matter.

Even if your feelings are intense, take it slow before and during sex. Communication and caring are actually more likely to make this time memorable than technique or endurance.

Ask what your partner likes and how he or she wants to be touched. Take the guesswork out of it.

Say nice, complimentary things. Make your partner feel attractive, desired, and respected. If you help your partner feel confident about your desire and admiration, your partner is more likely to feel sexy, uninhibited, and connected to you and that means sex is more likely to be great!

If you aren t going to stay the night, explain ahead of time. You may have good reasons for not being able to sleep over, but staying is nicer. And having breakfast together in the morning is romantic.


5 Reasons Why Men Love Dating Women Over 50 #singles #online #dating #sites


#dating over 50

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5 Reasons Why Men Love Dating Women Over 50

Like Goes With Like

You think it’s easier or more fun to date younger women? Ken Solin, 69, an AARP dating expert whose columns also appear regularly in other Boomer-related sites and on Huffington Post, would disagree with you.

For 25 years, off and on, he lived in the “dating pool,” where he spent a lot of time typecasting his dates, some much younger than himself. “I hated it. We didn’t have the same frame of reference,” he says, revealing he’s now in a relationship with someone he calls his “best friend.”

Younger Women Are on a Different Page

Dan Collins, 51, a writer from Baltimore, MD, agrees. Younger women don’t get your jokes. They want to stay out all night. They don’t quite have the relationship skills necessary to sustain a meaningful relationship.

Solin says Boomer woman are stronger, have staying power, and his favorite line: “They don’t cut and run” at the first sign of trouble.

So how do Boomer women reach the “better pick” category of dating options? What makes them so great? From conversations with those who’ve been there and done that, there are at least five reasons

Reason #1: They know themselves

Collins, whose closest friends are Boomer women, says he finds them more centered than younger women. They’re not just looking for a man to fill a void.

“[Boomer women] have learned what they like and don’t like, so there’s not a lot of ‘guesswork’ with them,” he says. They are not trying to fill a laundry list of requirements, he adds, because, “As we age, if we aren’t completely stupid, we begin to realize who we really are and what we really need in our lives.”

Reason #2: They are confident

Beth Portolese, 56, a New Yorker who works in human resources and started a lifestyle website for women and men who are 50 and older—Fiftyisthenewfifty.com —says Boomer women have the confidence to forgive and understand, something that younger women often do not have.

For one thing, “Sex is less important,” she says. So if your man needs to take a pill for that, it’s not an issue with us; it’s reality. Likewise, she says, “If men have issues with their own sexuality, if they need medication to do the job, women get it.”

They don’t take things personally.

Reason #3: They relate to you

Women who are 50 years or more relate to similar things as you and have similar historical references, says Collins, such as “the world before the Internet, fax machines, and rewinding VHS tapes.”

Because of their shared experiences, Boomer women also have fewer expectations than younger women you may want to date. “We don’t necessarily want to get married,” says Portolese, “Like our male counterparts, we’ve been married before…We want companionship, instead.”

Reason #4: They appreciate your company

Collins, who admits he’s not the handsome rebel type, a type he says younger woman go for, likes it that women closer to his age are okay with that. They appreciate him for “the essence of the person inside…Are they caring, do they listen, are they accessible, kind, decent?”

It’s the older woman who appreciate the “Ward Cleavers like him,” he says, the guys who are dependable, good listeners and don’t go out drinking at all hours.

Reason #5: They employ wisdom

Women over 50 know “real relationships are difficult,” says Solin, and they will openly disagree with you, or vice versa, without running away. They know “real relationship skills take time to develop…and they are patient.” Interested in their own personal growth, they don’t feel the need to save or teach the men they date, he says, “They’ll wait to find the guy who has worked on himself.”

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    Comments

    Fascinating article! As some of the replies below are showing, however, I think, it tends to over-generalize. But I think it hits a very good point – Age is “not just a number” for everybody when it comes to relationships.

    I found myself especially interested in #3. While I guess it’s always good for couples to have some experience in common, in a lot of ways, we Boomers truly came of age in a very different world than many young people, I believe. Not only is that due, in my opinion, to the extensive changes in technology, as the article suggests, but also to changes in society, as a whole (even though we helped to bring about many of those changes, ourselves).

    Meanwhile, I notice that some of you have your full name and/or email address in your username. For greater privacy, you may want to change that. If so, just click on your username (above, right) and change your username where shown. (You will have to log out and then log back in again for the change to take full effect.)

    rosered135 on 2014-03-29 05:02:21

    Unfortunately, reason #2 is one that Boomer men claim to want, but don’t in reality. They like the idea pc-ness of it, but aren’t comfortable with it over the long run.

    Hi, I am a 61 year young African American woman and what I notice most often about this site is that you very seldom have African American pictures or comments is there a reason for that?

    GrandmaNetta on 2014-03-27 15:34:52

    I just recently stepped away from a situation because it was clear that the man was so emotionally closed that the chances of an open and caring relationship happening were slim to none. Women still want to be courted and pursued, we want to feel valued and welcomed into a man’s life.

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