New Jersey Woman Sues Matchmaking Service After Date of Horror – ABC News #free #online #dating #websites


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Woman Sues Matchmaker For Bad Date

Two of Us is a matchmaking service with 15 offices nationwide.

Jeanne McCarthy, 65, thought she would meet a “quality” man when she paid $7,000 for a professional matchmaking service. Instead, she said she got one date with a man with three drunk driving convictions and an outstanding criminal warrant.

McCarthy is suing her local Lawrenceville, N.J. branch of Two of Us. a brick and mortar matchmaking service with 15 offices nationwide. Instead of the online dating services, like eHarmony, Two of Us offers professional matchmakers and “promises to arrange ‘matches’ with another member for the purposes of arranging a dating relationship between those individuals.”

Two of Us “would merely collect a fee from anyone who signed up and would simply match members at random,” the suit states.

McCarthy, a technical writer living in New Jersey, learned of Two of Us through its advertising campaign and went to the local office for a consultation. The advertising stated that the company screens its members and performs a criminal background check, according to McCarthy’s lawsuit, filed on June 4 in the Superior Court of New Jersey in Mercer County.

She said she was told by a representative that “Two of Us would provide quality matches at the rate of one or two during every two-week period.”

McCarthy and her attorney, David Knapp, declined to comment.

McCarthy is suing PMM Inc. which is doing business as Two of Us in Lawrenceville, for breach of contract, fraud and consumer fraud, and requests her money back plus unspecified punitive damages. The suit states Two of Us breached their agreement by failing to “provide one or two matches over a two month period as promised and by failing to adequately evaluate and screen the matches” referred to her.

On Jan. 13, 2011, she signed up for a membership agreement for a non-refundable fee of $7,000. The agreement states, “Two of Us provides for the initial member interview, member testing, background checks and overall evaluation and screening. “

But she said Two of Us provided “only two matches over a five month period which yielded only one date.”

“To her horror, [McCarthy] determined that this one date involved a man with three drunk driving convictions and [an] outstanding criminal warrant in Arizona,” the suit stated.

Her date was a 73-year-old widower from Arizona who told her he received the convictions after his wife died and was moving to New Jersey so he could get a driver’s license, according to The Trentonian.

McCarthy wanted a man 58 to 67 years old with an active lifestyle like her, according to the newspaper.

McCarthy “terminated the agreement and demanded an immediate refund of her fee. Despite repeated requests, [Two of Us] has refused to do so,” the suit states.

Ethan Baker, Two of Us’ vice president of operations and general counsel, said the company has not been served yet and could not comment on the specific allegations of the lawsuit.

“We are providing a service that deals with peoples’ emotions,” he said. “It’s not like you have one product and you can tell if it’s defective. Each person and result varies dramatically. One person may be disappointed with one introduction but the next can lead to a lifetime with someone else.”

Baker said introductions are provided every four to eight weeks on an available basis.

“They’re never told they’re going to get one every two weeks,” Baker said. “That flies in the face of our contract.”

Each Two of Us office is individually owned and operated, according to Baker, but a management company in Glendale, Calif. oversees all offices. Baker said the owners have been in the business of matchmaking for about 23 years.

Basic packages start at about $2,290 for five introductions. The company’s motto is, “Because two is always better than one.”

“We don’t guarantee dates, we guarantee introductions,” Baker said. “After we provide the exchange of information for two members, it’s up to them to talk to each other, set up a date and do what they need to do. That’s clear in the contract as well.”

Baker said there is a “no refund” clause in the “binding” contracts.

“We have thousands of happy members throughout the country who use the service on a daily basis,” Baker said. “We’re a customer service business. That’s the goal of what we do. It doesn’t do us any good if we have unhappy members. We do what we can to make our members happy so that we can all work together toward finding suitable and appropriate introductions for them.”

Baker would not specify the number of clients the company has but said that it has “thousands of members nationwide” and several thousand in New Jersey.


4 Rules For Dating After 50 (And Making Relationships Work) #a #dating #site


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4 Rules For Dating After 50 (And Making Relationships Work)

According to the latest census research, those over the age of 50 are now divorcing at double the rate of younger people. The even more riveting subgroup is those over 50 who are remarried. The odds of divorce are 40 percent higher for people in remarriages, so the people most likely to divorce late in life are the ones who have already been divorced and then remarried.

READ: The Text Message That Ended Katy Perry’s Marriage

I heard one recent news report that 40 percent of online daters today are over the age of 50. If you’re in that group, you are at significant risk for a rebound divorce, or marrying the wrong person, usually far too quickly, later in life. When those marriages don’t work out, the consequences can be even harsher because you are older and less resilient, financially and emotionally.

Here’s how to protect yourself from a crushing late in life divorce:

#1. Realize that those you date — like yourself — have significant baggage, and be prepared to deal with it. Over the age of 50, most people have baggage in the form of financial issues, emotional issues stemming from a failed marriage, children they are still raising or putting through college, and much more. The goal is to find someone with carry-on baggage, not steamer trunks.

#2. Date a long time before you plan a future. The older you are as a single person, the longer it takes to unpack the baggage. Most older daters are reluctant to reveal all of their warts in the beginning of a new relationship. The risk of rejection is so high that people tend to focus on just having fun and superficial conversation until they can build a high level of trust. That means you don’t know what you’re getting until far down the road — sometimes two or three years.

#3. When you find someone special, be bold with your questions. By pacing the relationship slowly, you can afford to dole out your biggest questions and get the answers you need. Ask about financial status, especially debt or unpaid taxes. Ask about past relationships, and listen for dysfunctional patterns that are not likely to be any different with you. Ask about issues with children, the ex and extended family. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. Dating is very personal, and the more personal your conversations early on, the more quickly you know what you’re getting into.

READ: Make Time to Make Your Marriage Work

#4. Educate yourself about dating and relationships. This is prime time to reflect and learn so that you don’t recycle the same mistakes you made during the last two decades. Use a sounding board in the form of a coach, a therapist or a trusted (wise) friend to help you see into your blind spots. Read self-help books like mine — “Date Like a CEO” for men and “Temptations of the Single Girl” for women — and arm yourself with the knowledge you’ll need to navigate the significant landmines of dating over 50.

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed. LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, the author of five self-help books, and a frequent expert media guest. Read Nina’s transformational books: for women, “Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid”; and for men, “Date Like a CEO: Leadership in Life and Love for Men.” To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook “Internet Dating for the Savvy Single.” And get loads of free advice at www.singlescoach.com.


Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet #together #dating


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Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet

The exciting part of dating again after age 50 is that the relationship can take any shape you want. There s more communication, more honesty, and fewer assumptions about what dating means or where it s going. Nevertheless, you still may need help navigating the dating and relationship world. Check out useful tips on writing an awesome online profile, and be inspired by ideas for inexpensive dates. Lastly, peek at some pointers on how to have great first-time sex.

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Strong Online-Dating Profiles

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

If you re 50 or older and back in the dating pool, you ll discover that one key to successful online dating is having a strong profile. Many people just dash off their online profile, but that s a really bad idea. The profile is what people ponder when they re interested enough to spend a little time deciding whether to contact you or return your contact. But the good news for you is that it s easy to outshine the competition.

Before you start typing away, you have to know what to say (and what not to say); let this list of do s and don ts guide the construction of your online-dating profile:

Always keep a warm, friendly tone in your writing.

Don t skimp on description; this is the most important part of your online presence, so write at least three paragraphs.

Be specific. Instead of just saying you love to travel, for example, talk about a specific trip.

Avoid clich s everybody likes to walk on the beach!

Be honest, or it will undermine you later.

Talk about something you did that makes you sound humane; you want people to know you re a good person.

Don t undersell yourself: Talk about an award you received, a great job, something you shine at. Remember, this is a bit like a job interview, and you have to sound better than other applicants!

Don t come across as arrogant; don t make it sound as if no one could be good enough for you.

If you have a good sense of humor, use it. If not, don t force it.

Sound like you re happy and grateful for your life. Then someone will want to share it.

Affordable Date Ideas for Over-50 Daters

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Most people date quite a bit before they find the one. Even if all your dates are just dinner and a movie, dating can get expensive. Some men and women split the bill, but if the man or woman is traditional about who pays, dating can become very pricey for the guy. There are quite a few ways to have an inexpensive date that doesn t feel cheap.

Here are a few ideas for inexpensive dates to consider:

Search the city for great food trucks. Finding them is fun, and the food is always reasonably priced.

Go to new wineries and get free tastings. The fancy established ones may have a tasting fee, but the newer ones are trying to build up a fan base, so they re usually free.

Join your local film society and go to free or cheap screenings of movies. This is one of the best values, and if you re a movie buff dating another movie buff, this could be the best date possible.

Explore intellidates. There s so much talent giving free lectures or performances on university and college campuses that you ll have a hard time choosing among your options. Check the websites of local institutions for free or inexpensive music, theater, dance, and lectures.

Do something outdoors to preserve nature. Join a conservation crew for a day: Participate in trail cleanup or other environmental group activities.

Attend dog shows, horse shows, or agricultural shows. If your date is an animal lover, these events are typically free or at least inexpensive and a great way to bring out your date s softer side.

Go to your local poetry society, library, or bookstore and listen to free readings from visiting authors. Sometimes they re well-known, and the readings are usually intimate affairs where you can have good conversation about the poems or book.

Do something a little quirky and fun. You can put up a tent and camp even if it s just in your own backyard! Or plan a picnic in your living room if you re not interested in really roughing it.

Experience the everyday majesty of nature. Get up very early and watch the sun rise, and enjoy a nice breakfast afterward. Or go see the stars on a clear night, preferably a bit out in the country where the city lights don t obscure the view.

Cozy up together. Rent the first season or more of a great TV series or miniseries, and make your own popcorn.

Cook together! Baking is particularly fun and sensual because the aroma is tantalizing long before you actually get your first bite.

Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Your First Sex Together

Copyright 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Having sex for the first time with a new dating partner can be nerve-wracking, especially if you haven t slept with someone new in years. Yet, when you re older and have been sexual in your previous relationships, sex seems to happen sooner. Depending on your values, it can be a momentous occasion or just a pleasure-seeking experience. But, if you hope that it s part of a serious relationship, you re more motivated to make sure it s a happy, erotic, mutually satisfying event.

It helps to have some thoughts about how to make that first sex the successful prelude to an ongoing intimate relationship. Here are a few pointers that can help you make your first sex with your partner great:

Don t have sex right away; sex on the first or second date usually means a short relationship.

Precede sex with conversation and approach the experience with intention so that you can be prepared (nice underwear, lubrication, pills, and so on).

Set the right mood with a romantic dinner and good conversation beforehand (but don t overeat or drink too much!).

Talk about health before you get physically intimate. Plan safer sex with condoms. Don t think that makes you cheap; it doesn t. You show your concern for yourself and your partner by using protection against any sexually transmitted diseases.

As your relationship deepens and becomes more erotic, talk about what having sex means to you: Is it a declaration of love, like, or just attraction? Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

When you re ready to get sexual, pick a romantic venue; the place, the mood, and the ambience all matter.

Even if your feelings are intense, take it slow before and during sex. Communication and caring are actually more likely to make this time memorable than technique or endurance.

Ask what your partner likes and how he or she wants to be touched. Take the guesswork out of it.

Say nice, complimentary things. Make your partner feel attractive, desired, and respected. If you help your partner feel confident about your desire and admiration, your partner is more likely to feel sexy, uninhibited, and connected to you and that means sex is more likely to be great!

If you aren t going to stay the night, explain ahead of time. You may have good reasons for not being able to sleep over, but staying is nicer. And having breakfast together in the morning is romantic.


Dating after 50: Waiting for sex and 5 other rules #free #dating #sites #for #women


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Flirting, compliments and waiting for sex: 6 rules for dating after 50

More video

Helen Mirren’s love advice: Don’t rush into marriage

Here’s why people in Japan are wearing surgical masks at speed dating sessions

Do guys expect a kiss after a good first date?

What do guys really think when she asks ‘How do I look?’

As to the “why” behind the lack of date-nights, nearly 60 percent say they don’t need a relationship to be happy. That’s true whether you’re 16 or 56, but more than 40 percent don’t believe there is anyone “out there” to date. More than 30 percent don’t even know where to begin and nearly 30 percent say they find it too stressful (think back to those sweaty palms and awkward conversations.)

For more than 40 percent of respondents, other priorities are simply more important, and nearly one-quarter say it’s just too difficult to date when you’re 50-plus.

On the positive side, the age 50-plus daters seem to be pretty darn smart when choosing a date-mate. In fact, nearly 60 percent say they make better decisions about compatibility now compared to when they were younger. Some 42 percent have better quality dates, and 52 percent say part of the allure of dating in the 50s is the absence of the tick-tock of the biological clock.

Most people want to find a friend or a life partner, and to meet the dates who may fulfill this desire, many 50-somethings, about 80 percent in fact, do it the old-fashioned way — through friends or family. One-quarter use dating websites.

Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. It means making good choices.

I have compiled a list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts exclusively for women like you. These aren’t your daughter’s dating rules. These are for the woman who is done repeating the same mistakes, and is ready to find her grown-up love story.

Baggage bonding is when an early date shifts into deep conversation about some baggage you have in common. It starts off innocently with a question like “So what happened with your marriage?” or “How has online dating been for you?” And off you go! You start comparing your horrific ex-spouses or your crazy awful dates.

Nothing positive can possibly come from this, sister. Steer clear of these topics until you know each other better.

2. Don’t call him if he doesn’t call you.

Yes, I know he said he was going to call you, I know you had a great date and want to see him again. I know it’s tempting. But don’t do it. Men know who and what they want, often better than we do. That’s especially true of the grownup men that you’re dating.

Your 25-year-old may want to linger and go down the rabbit hole trying to figure it all out. The grown-up dater gives him a reasonable amount of time to show up, and then says a big “So what!” and moves on. Yep, just like he did.

3.Don’t have sex until you’re really ready.

I know, you’re mature, smart and competent. But every day I coach women like you through situations they wish they didn’t get into. The last thing you want at 55 is to wake up in the morning with flashbacks to your days as a 20-something, right?

Unless you can talk with your dude about safe sex and the status of your relationship after intimacy, steer clear of the sack. Take care of yourself by initiating a conversation and sharing your needs and wants. If you are dealing with a grown-up man he will appreciate and respect you for it. If he’s not; he won’t. Good to know before you jump in!

4. Do start by finding 3 things you like about him.

His manners, his shirt, his smile, the way he talks about his kids. Start off with the positive and try to stay in discovery mode before you decide he’s not right for you. This keeps you open to someone who might not be your type. (Because after all, your type hasn’t worked or you would be reading this.)

5. Do flirt like a grown-up.

Yes, grown-up women flirt and men like it! Keep your body language open, play with your hair, smile, touch his arm. And best flirt of all: compliment him! And bring your femininity to every date. It’s the thing we have that men want most!

6. Do manage the date conversation.

Be the master of the segue if he talks too much, or the conversation swerves into uncomfortable topics. Make sure you get to talk about yourself in a meaningful way as well. If he walks away from the date having shared too much or hasn’t learned about you, then there won’t be a second date. Why is this up to you? Because you are better at it than he. Just do it, and you’ll both enjoy the date more.

Show up to your dates open, happy and being your already charming self. It will bring out the best in him and insure that you both have the best time possible. Remember, even if he is not Mr. I Love You, there is something valuable to learn from every date.

Bobbi Palmer is The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup. Take Bobbi’s free Man-o-Meter test and read her blog at www.datelikeagrownup.com

All week, TODAY is exploring what 50 is like today, from dating to sex, health, fitness and finances. Follow the series here.


Dating After Divorce #datingd


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Dating After Divorce

Celibacy is one thing after a long relationship, but jumping back into the dating game after having been to the altar is quite another.

A few important guidelines should be followed in order to achieve a successful return to the world of dating and mating. You need not follow them to the tee, but they will help make the transition easier.

You have to get your dating muscle in shape by preparing during the last stages of your divorce, for when you’re finally single and getting into your first relationship.

last stages of the divorce

The last leg of the divorce process involves settling all the paperwork and getting things in order. As the divorce is not final, you must be sure to behave and keep your pecker tucked away.

Having romantic encounters during the last stages of your official and final separation can have disastrous effects on the divorce.

It’s a good idea to avoid dating altogether before the divorce is finalized. Not only will it save you some explanation in court as to why you were eager as a beaver, but it will also speed up the process and set you free in no time. You wouldn’t want a fling to taint your image in court during the last stages of the divorce; especially if she’s asking for the Beemer.

single once again

Now that you’re officially divorced, single and ready to get going, you have to tie up loose ends. If you still talk to your ex on the weekends to catch up with each other, maybe you shouldn’t. If you still have most of your clothes at her place, even after you’ve moved out, then you should pack it all up for good. The papers might be finalized, but you have to treat whatever is left of the relationship the same way. It’s impossible to let go and hold on at the same time.

On the other hand, there’s no need to rush into new women. You’re the only one that knows when you’re ready to put on your John Travolta dancing shoes and your Don Juan sex appeal. Take the time to do things right at the right time and you won’t have to do them over and over again.

Your first instinct may be to stay away from anyone that reminds you of your ex-wife, but you don’t need to stress over this. Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about that part of your life. After all, you did have some good times together; don’t forget them.

Recommended Reading


8 Dating Rules After Divorce #christian #dating #websites


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I’ve Started Dating Again, are There any Rules I Need to Know?

By Cathy Meyer. Divorce Support Expert

Cathy Meyer is a Certified Divorce Coach, Marriage Educator and Legal Investigator. She works with people who expected to be married forever but are now facing divorce. Through her writing and individual coaching, Cathy provides clients with strategies and resources that empower them and equip them to grow through a time of adversity.

Cathy shares her expertise here on About.com, The Huffington and as the Founding Editor of DivorcedMoms.com.

Updated August 23, 2016.

Dating after divorce is no different than dating before divorce. You ve been out of the dating game for years or decades but when it comes to dating, the rules remain the same before and after divorce.

There are no hard, fast rules when it comes to what you should do to get back into the swing of dating after divorce. If you have lain to rest all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date you will probably do fine.

Continue Reading Below

If you have doubts about dating after divorce, the following 8 tips will help you navigate the dating scene more easily.

It pays to be wise and judicious when re-entering the dating game after divorce. Now that you are newly single, try to bring balance to your life. You may be eager to date but don’t forget to make time for yourself as well as spend time with friends and family. Date if you feel ready but, don’t make it your whole life or feel you must jump back into the dating game before you are ready.

2. Cultivate relationships with other single people.

If you don’t already have single friends, then find some. Your single friends will be a great resource because they are in a similar place and it always helps to have company when dealing with a new lifestyle and situation.

You will find, having single friends to socialize with is a great way to slowly re-introduce yourself into dating and doing things with a member of the opposite sex.

3. One date does not form a relationship.

It’s important to know that everyone you date will not be interested in a second date.

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Just because you were interested in a second date doesn’t mean they have to be. Don’t let the fact that you don’t get called to go out again deter you or cause you to think negatively about yourself. Move on to the next person and be willing to go through the process of elimination. Don’t take dating or yourself too seriously.

4. Don’t come on too strong.

If you were in a long-term marriage then you are used to being part of a couple. Divorce means changing habits and take on the role of a single individual. Don’t let the couple habit cause you to come on too strong and chase someone special away. You are dating, not stalking so be careful not to overwhelm.

5. Don’t forget to respect yourself.

Go slowly when it comes to sharing information about yourself with a date. It will convey a sense of self – respect and create mystery. So, keep the details to a minimum until you know they are worthy of hearing them.

6. The world is your test tube.

Approach the dating game with an attitude of openness and experimentation. You might now find Mr./Ms. Right on every date you go on but, keep an open mind and you will at least learn something new.

Don’t box yourself in with the idea that you have a “type” that you are attracted to. Change those old thought process, step outside your head and broaden your horizons. You may find that what you thought would make you gag, actually makes you happy.

8. Never underestimate the power of flirting.

Nothing is more fun than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be charming and delightful, show some vitality. Keep it light and festive, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long-term goal of falling in love.

What next? Now that you know the rules below are a few articles that will help you navigate your reentry into the dating world.


Advice For Dating After a Divorce #dating #internet


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Advice For Dating After a Divorce

The best part about being divorced after a short marriage is being single again at 35. Seriously. When my marriage ended after just two years, the idea of navigating the dating world all over again seemed daunting, unappealing, and pointless. Plus, the last time I’d been seriously single, it was 2006; texting was barely a given, much less Tinder.

But, I figured, if Robin Wright can snag a hot younger boyfriend after 15 years of marriage and a very public divorce, I could at least give dating a shot. To my pleasant surprise, my 30-something jadedness confidence combined with the dawn of casual online dating culture made for one damn fun year and a half. Turned out, dating as a divorced 35-year-old was a great way to pass the time until I felt ready for a relationship again. Behold the 16 stages of my journey, illustrated with GIFs featuring sassy women.

1. Relationships are bullsh*t.

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In my 20s, I obsessed about whether or not guys liked me, and I took it personally if they didn’t. I even adjusted my behavior ever so slightly to make myself more to their liking. This time, I didn’t give a f*ck. My attitude was, take it or leave it, this is how I am.

10. I learn to temper my enthusiasm.

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Before marriage, everyone was a potential mate. After the first three months of a relationship, I would idealize everything and be convinced this person was perfect. After divorce, I have a better grip on reality.

11. I have no interest in commitment.

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As someone who tends to get fixated on one person prematurely, I decided the healthiest option is to date several people at once. If I’m into two to three guys, I can’t get obsessed with any single one. This mostly worked, though text messaging could get confusing.

12. But dating means lots of eating and drinking.

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The only problem with lining up multiple dates per week is that I didn’t have much time for myself. I spent way too many weeknights over cocktails and heavy dinners.


Dating Again After Divorce #teen #dating


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Dating Again After Divorce

Dating again after divorce may seem a little overwhelming, especially if you’ve been out of the scene for a while. What should you do on a first date? Should you wear something sexy or casual? How do you keep the conversation going?

Things have probably changed since you stopped dating other people to marry your ex. Now that you’re single again, these tips will help you get prepared for going out on that first date with a new man.

Seven Secrets for Successful Post-Divorce Dating

Atlanta-based author Ginger Emas thought getting married meant that she’d never have to go on another first date again. But like many of us, she got divorced after 13 years of marriage, and re-entered the dating scene. Now, more than 85 first dates later, Emas brings us Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce

In conjunction with the release of Back on Top. Emas is sharing a few of her secrets on dating after divorce. Armed with no shortage of her own post-divorce dating foibles, fumbles, failings, and faux pas, Emas offers the following tips:

Never make a first date that will last longer than an hour.

Meet for coffee, appetizers, a glass of wine—but not dinner. A dinner date can feel like a three-hour interview … for a job you knew you didn’t want in the first six minutes.

Always have an exit strategy.

Let your date know before you meet that you have another commitment in about an hour. Either set your cell phone to ring an hour after the date starts, or ask a friend to call. Do not linger, and do not make excuses; just politely remind your date that you have to leave—even if you are having a great time (maybe especially if you’re having a great time.) Leave him wanting more. That’s what second dates are for.

Invest in a good pair of “date jeans.”

Jeans are perfect for just about any first-date venue: dinner, dancing, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or even an unexpected breakfast. With a pair of today’s designer jeans, you get a younger look, longer legs, a smaller waist, a feeling of confidence, a grab-and-go outfit that goes just about anywhere. Jeans make you look sleek, contemporary, and hip. Dating is uncomfortable enough – at least wear something comfortable.

Make a manfile and consult it often.

That’s right, a Manfile: it consists of two parts. 1) a written list of characteristics and qualities you will not put up with in the next guy you chose; and 2) a list of must-haves – the things a guy’s gotta have if he wants to get close to you. Refer to your manfile often, and update it regularly. And be careful what you wish for! Your manfile is also about who you are now, and what you’re really looking for, without the pressures you may have had from family and friends when you were younger. Your manfile can also help you from repeating past man mistakes.

Don’t let him pick you up at your home.

Never let someone you’ve just met—online or otherwise—pick you up at your home. Meet in a public place, convenient to you, and tell a close friend where you are going and with whom (assuming you’ve gotten his real name). In fact, wait until at least half a dozen dates and a clean NetDetective.com search before you let him pick you up at all. In the post-divorce dating world, a little bit of paranoia goes a long way.

Resist the urge to talk about sex or the ex.

Resist the urge to talk about sex—or the ex — on your first date. Sex and the ex- (either your ex- or his) should never be part of first date conversation. You should also resist the urge to trash the institution of marriage as well as declare that you are looking to get married (unless your goal is to ensure that you don’t get asked for a second date.)

Never, ever think you must date.

If you start dating again because you think that you should, or that this is your one last chance, dating really will be a disaster. The main thing to remember about post-divorce dating is that it is just dating. It’s not dating-to-find-your-next-boyfriend. It’s not dating-to-avoid-being-alone or dating-to-complete-yourself. And God forbid, it’s not dating-to-get-married. You don’t want to be dating for security or to meet some societal standard of couple-hood.

On the other hand, you don’t have to date just because your aunt wants to fix you up, or just because some guy asked you out, or because your friends/family/coworkers think you should. Date because you want to, and not because you think you have to.

Author: Ginger Emas

Ginger Emas is an independent writer, marketing manager, blogger, and an actual real-life cougar (see Chapter 20 of Back on Top). Packed with lots of practical tips and sprinkled with a comical understanding of what dating again is really like, “Back on Top” delivers hilarious dating misadventures, loving advice, and tips to help save women from many dating disasters. Discover how the dating rules have changed, find out how and where to meet men, delve into online dating profiles, and learn how dating the second time around can be even better than before. Find out more about the book at www.backontopthebook.com .

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7 Reasons Not to Wait Too Long to Start Dating After Divorce #online #dating #personals


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7 Reasons Not to Wait Too Long to Start Dating After Divorce

I’ve been divorced for five years and I only recently started dating again. Now that I have, I’ve come to the realization that I waited too long.

I think it’s important to take time to heal from divorce. People need time to adjust to the major changes that divorce brings: different living situations, moving, financial struggles, and having to share time with your kids. Divorce is a death of sorts. It’s the death of your hopes, dreams, and beliefs that you will spend the rest of your life with your spouse. It takes time to go through the grieving process. It’s wise to wait a year or so, so that you can evaluate your life, take inventory of who you are, change the things about you that you don’t like, and discover what exactly you’re looking for in a partner.

However, if you wait too long, some things happen that make dating more difficult.

1. You get comfortable being alone

After some time, you start to enjoy the freedom that comes with being on your own. You never have to compromise on a restaurant. If you don’t feel like making your bed, there’s no one there to get mad at you for it. You can stay in your pajamas and watch chick flicks on Netflix, or you can get up early and run non-stop all day. The choice is up to you.

2. You get cold feet

The longer you wait, the more scared you are to enter the dating world, especially if you were married a long time and enjoyed the comfort and security of a loving relationship. The thought of fielding pick-up lines from guys at bars can make you hyperventilate. Going on a date and not knowing the rules because the last date you went on was 20 years ago, can be a really scary thing.

3. You don t understand dating nowadays

My last date before I got married was at a time when people didn’t have computers or smart phones. Do you understand me? Only doctors had mobile phones and they were as big as a shoe box! Now there’s online dating. Online dating scares the snot out of me. Weeding through hundreds of guys who probably want to make a suit of my skin, trying to find that one gem who not only is not a serial killer, but who also chews with his mouth closed can be daunting. And which of the trillions of online dating sites should you use? Heck, there’s an online site for farmers only! The first time I saw the commercial for that, I thought it was an SNL skit! Scary.

4. You realize you don t need anyone

When I first got divorced I felt like I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t know a thing about car maintenance. I didn’t know how to change my furnace filter, change the string on the weed whacker or fix my washing machine when it started leaking all over. Out of necessity, I learned how to do these things. I no longer felt like I needed a man in my life. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to do those things and to help out, but when it comes down to it, I am capable of taking care of everything on my own.

5. You begin to think there s no room for anyone else in your life

The thought of clearing out my closet to make room for another person’s clothes makes me feel resentful. I don’t want to give up any of my space. I’ve filled my days with my kids, my work, and my interests and I can’t imagine making room for someone else and their kids, work, and interests. I’m not saying I can’t or won’t; it’s just hard to imagine caring enough about someone to want to make room for them in my life.

6. You decide you never want to share a bathroom again

There are some advantages to being on your own – advantages like getting up to pee in the middle of the night and not falling in the toilet because no one has left the seat up. There’s something to be said for not having shaving gel and toothpaste globs stuck to your sink. Not having to pick up laundry from the floor brings me utter joy. Now that I’m divorced, I always get a good night’s sleep because no one wakes me with their snoring, no one steals the blanket, and no one puts their cold feet on me. Why would I want to go back to sharing a bathroom or bedroom with anyone?

7. You get set in your ways

You have a routine. You know what needs to be done and how and when it needs to be done. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have some help, but I know myself. I know that if someone didn’t separate the laundry, or if they loaded the dishwasher incorrectly, or if they didn’t clean the kitchen the same way I do, I’d get ticked off. Maybe I should be medicated. I don’t know. But I’ve gotten set in my ways and I don’t think I’d like someone coming in, changing things around, and not doing things the right way (i.e. my way.)

I was talking to my hairdresser and comparing notes on bad dates. She and I both came to the same conclusion – because we waited too long, dating is harder and the thought of letting someone into our lives makes us a little twitchy. One writer and one hairdresser can’t be wrong. I’m telling you, don’t wait too long! Wait long enough to grieve and get your act together, then jump right in before you become a bitter old cat lady like me. (I don’t actually own a cat. I have a Guinea pig who eats nonstop though. I don’t dress him up in clothes or anything so there’s still hope for me.)

Article Posted 2 years Ago

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Dating After Divorce – How To Date After Divorce for Women #date #date #date


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Dating After Divorce

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Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman. Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. Why is it so hard? “A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to ‘protect’ her and now she has to go out into the world on her own,” says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love . But it’s also tough, she adds, because once you’re on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he’ll-call sort of way. So how can you make post-divorce dating whether you’re looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man less daunting? Read on for 10 tips that will help you get back in Cupid’s good graces.

1. Figure out if you reallyareready.

Whether it’s been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you’re truly ready for another relationship. Instead, “it’s usually clear when you’re not ready,” says Susan Pease Gadoua. a therapist and author of Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce. That is, “when the very idea turns you off.” But you can decide that you’re ready to at least try. Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don’t want to chase it out again, you’re at least ready to start, she says. If it’s truly awful, take a step back and wait some more.

2. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but “actual terror,” says Dr. Kirschner. Just remember that your fears are normal after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval and that you don’t have to jump all the way in. “Dip a toe in at a time. Tell a few trusted friends that you’re interested in meeting people. Accept invitations to parties.”

3. Avoid negative thinking.

While it’s not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like “all men are jerks” or “all the good ones are taken,” that’s obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. Kirschner. “That kind of thinking can tank your mood and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love.” By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you’ll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. A divorc e may also feel that there’s something “wrong” with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. Kirschner. If that’s the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, “visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, ‘Stop!'” says Dr. Kirschner.

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4. Determine your dating/love intention.

You’ve decided to start dating isn’t that your “intention” right there? Not completely, says Dr. Kirschner. “Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you’re after. Is it a partner in life? A short-term liaison that might lead to something? Just some fun for now? The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed,” which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

5. Rethink your definition of dating.

Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of “dating.” Not surprisingly, words like “awful” and “dreadful” come up. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: “I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education,” she says. “Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills, too.” And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!

Possibly the last time you dated there wasn’t even an Internet, much less Internet dating. But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it that’s as outmoded as dial-up. “Online dating is not only mainstream, it’s one of the best ways to widen your search, rather than just hoping that you’ll meet someone in the coffee shop,” says Dr. Kirschner. And these days, there’s a site for everyone, from eHarmony and Match to niche sites like JDate. Check out “WD’s Guide to Online Dating ” to learn the basics including setting up a profile to taking a relationship offline.

7. But don’t drag out online contact.

Once you “meet” someone online, it’s easy, says Dr. Kirschner, to build up a fantasy of what he is like based on his profile and the emails you exchange. “My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact.” Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual or real. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. “Tell a friend where you’ll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place,” suggests Dr. Kirschner.

8. Remember that dating is a numbers game.

“Four out of five men you go out with will disappear,” says Dr. Kirschner bluntly. It’s just the nature of the dating world. He may have seemed great, but loses interest, or is dating someone else, or has problems you will never know about. Don’t take it personally, and instead try to remember that if you’re meeting a lot of people, the number of bad apples will go up but so will the odds that you’ll meet a few good apples, too.

Dr. Kirschner recommends, at least to start with, dating several guys at the same time. For a couple of reasons: First, you are not putting all your eggs or hopes into one basket. Second, you can compare what you like and don’t like. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man’s intellectual stimulation. “You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward,” she says, even if it’s not with any of these guys. One caveat: Be honest. “Just say, ‘I’m enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I’m also seeing others casually.'”

10. Don’t let your kids stop you.

Hopefully it’s obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn’t bring dates around unless it’s somewhat serious. That said, don’t let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to. Says Gadoua, “too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date.” Be upfront and respectful, but don’t apologize for wanting to date. “Most children just want their parent to be happy, and may be less likely to object than you imagine,” she says.