6 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid #dating #chat #rooms


#online dating tips

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Mashable

6 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid

So, you’d like to meet someone and have decided to go online. That’s a good move — proactive and forward-thinking. But be careful not to be lulled into habits that will undermine your online dating experience.

Here are some tips to keep in mind as you peruse the seemingly endless stream of profiles from prospective partners.

1. Don’t go crazy over the pictures.

On the Internet, it’s easy to feel nitpicky and maintain high expectations. With apps like Tinder, you snap-judge users as if you were scrolling Amazon for the best pair of speakers.

This sense of being in the driver’s seat, of choosing, can be appealing. It makes you feel powerful. Fight it.

If what you want is a real connection — a relationship with a person you hope to love and who will love you — you will have to bring your most mature and empathetic self to the project.

That means not saying, “Eh, she’s cute — but I prefer brunettes to blondes. Next!” You’d never behave this way in person, so don’t do it online.

2. Don’t obsess about the details.

Don’t worry too much about the particulars: which restaurants, bars, movies or books a potential date likes. (“Oh, he lives in Queens” or “She prefers Six Feet Under to The Sopranos .”)

Instead, take in the broad strokes — does he live in the same city? Is she a reader? Does he seem intelligent? Don’t become consumed with the idea that someone out there corresponds exactly to all your tastes and preferences.

After all, chances are many of your exes didn’t share your exact tastes, and nine times out of 10, it isn’t why you two broke up. If you obsess about the little things (this guy shares my passion for both dim sum and Noah Baumbach flicks!) you are likely to pass over the profiles of people who might actually make you happy.

3. Evaluate the tone of the profile.

What’s actually important in evaluating a profile is its tone. You want to try and get a sense of what the person is like, which can be truly difficult.

It’s a challenge as a novelist to convey characters in meaningful ways — it’s no less demanding for a person writing, or reading, dating profiles. It’s key to read between the lines to get a sense of whether the person seems well-adjusted — pleasant, friendly and reasonable, someone you would be drawn to if you met him or her in person, even if you didn’t know her top five favorite movies.

Look closely for signs of boastfulness, snideness or bitterness. Also, insincerity: the person who claims over and over again to “absolutely love” his or her life just the way it is, to be “completely and totally” satisfied with everything in it. These people claim to have joined said dating site on a lark (“my friend suggested it and I figured why not?”). These behaviors suggest this person might have trouble being honest about his or her vulnerability or true motives.

Attention to tone when you read profiles will help you to ferret some of those qualities no one admits to (we often don’t even know we have them, sadly).

4. Ignore claims about personality.

Ignore most of the person’s explicit claims about his or her personality — for example, “I have a sense of humor about myself” or “I’m an optimist.” People are very unreliable self-reporters.

That’s not just because they lie (although that’s a possibility, too), but because the way we see ourselves often bears little relation to how others see us. And only external events provoke our negative reactions, right? (We humans are expert self-justifiers.)

It means nothing. The only explicit claims worth taking at face value are factual — job, age, education and location. When it comes to less tangible qualities, people are just too biased.

On the other hand, it’s worth paying attention to what is implicit in a profile — e.g. a sense of humor that rises to the surface. (A friend of mine answered a question about his strengths this way: “I am responsible about refilling the Brita pitcher.” This says more about what he’s like in conversation than any claim of being a “funny person.”)

5. Don’t get attached based on a profile.

Image: Dave M. Benett/Getty Images

No matter how much of an expert you’ve become at reading profiles, and no matter how well this girl or guy corresponds to your dream match, there’s still a lot you won’t be able to glean until you sit across from him or her at a coffee shop.

It doesn’t matter how many delightfully winning asides he has included in profile about his cute devotion to his 96-year-old grandmother. Think her passion for hot dogs and minor league baseball suggests just the kind of chill, fun-loving girl you’ve fantasized about dating?

You learn so much more from a person’s manner and demeanor — whether he makes eye contact, her tone when she speaks, how often she smiles. You also recognize social niceties; that is, what sort of effort he makes to ask you questions, whether she is constantly checking her phone, etc.

So much vital information is only disclosed in person. The goal shouldn’t be to find your perfect match but merely to winnow down the possibilities to a reasonable number, and then to meet those people IRL.

6. Don’t construct a fantasy after two dates.

You shouldn’t do this offline either, of course, but the temptation to fantasize can be even greater when you’ve met someone online. After all, in his profile he claimed to be looking for a relationship (and why would he be online unless he really wanted to meet someone?) What more do you need? Answer: a lot.

Sometimes we get so tired of dating that we just want to be done with it, rush into the next thing: the relationship. But getting too attached too soon is often the worst thing that can happen to a budding connection. It tends to dampen flirtation or scares off your counterpart. After a few dates, you are still getting to know each other, no matter how perfect he or she seems. To become too attached suggests that you are projecting a fantasy onto the other person.

It can be hard, when you so badly want to find “the one,” but getting to know another person, truly, takes time and patience.

What are some other tips you have for evaluating online profiles for compatibility? Let us know in the comments.

Homepage Image: Michael Tercha/Chicago Tribune/MCT via Getty Images

BONUS: The Overly Attached Girlfriend’s Guide to Looking Creepy

Adelle Waldman’s first novel, The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.. has recently been published. Her writing has also appeared in Slate. The New York Times Book Review. The Wall Street Journal and The New Republic. More


Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru #nyc #dating


#dating advice for men

#

Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru

Carlos Xuma – Dating Advice For Men

San Mateo, CA (PRWEB) August 30, 2011

There are so many ways for men to blow it on that first date. Too many times all the hopes and expectations for that first meeting fly out the door when it becomes apparent that something went horribly wrong.

Dating Expert Carlos Xuma teaches dating advice for men to thousands of guys on the dating scene, and has learned that while there are many mistakes men can make during that first date, at least 10 of these major errors can easily be avoided. He recently released a special report outlining them in detail.

For instance, one easy thing to avoid is talking too much, he says. It is especially erroneous for men talk too much about themselves. And it is even worse if the talk is bragging.

“Guys need to focus at least 70% of the conversation on her,” Xuma tells men. “Her experience is that the man who listens to her will understand her, and she believes that the man who understands her will be a good lover. The reverse is doubly true – if he yammers on and on, she’ll nod and smile, but she’ll be thinking about what a bore he is, and how unlikely it is he’ll give her the love she desires. Take a lesson from the great talk show hosts. Watch them as they ask questions and get everyone laughing along the way.”

This is just one of the of dating tips for men that Carlos Xuma shares in his work as a dating and relationship expert – and in his recent report.

Another big mistake men make is letting the date drag on way too long. He has to end it while it’s going good, Xuma says.

“You have to have the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when they’ve found that she’s interested, and turn a good date into boredom. Unless she’s asking him back to her place, he has to pack it in politely. Don’t overstay the welcome.”

Plus, this leaves the woman wanting for more, he says in the dating advice for men report. If a man wants to get a girlfriend. he has to know this first rule of attraction.

Carlos Xuma teaches men how to improve and excel in these three areas so that women will actually flock to the men instead of the other way around. For years, he has been giving dating advice for men that has helped men improve their seduction techniques. learn how to attract women, and build self-confidence to a higher level than ever before.

Carlos Xuma has been a dating expert and attraction adviser for more than 10 years and has appeared on ABC and CBS television, as well as Playboy radio. He’s the author of The Bad Boy Formula, Secrets of the Alpha Male, the Girlfriend Training Program, and numerous other books and articles. He has also been recognized for his work sharing dating advice for men and helps them learn the Three S’s: self-confidence, self-discipline, and a sense of humor.

For more information, visit Carlos Xuma’s website at http://www.datingdynamics.com .

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Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40 #free #singles #dating


#dating over 40

#

Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40

Is your profile withering away online? Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as their new discos. (Really where do you meet men these days?)

Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to potentially sabotage any chance of finding love or even a few good dates. Because, let s face it, the odds are not in our favor, ladies. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Ugh! The days of sitting back and waiting for anything incoming are over. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, it only takes a single click for him to find one that does.

The good news is that unlike a lot of things in life, your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it s really not that difficult. Here are the top five profile mistakes common to women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.

1) It’s a shopping list. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list. Once you’ve hit your 40s and beyond, you kind of know what works for you and what doesn t. Many women use their profile as a list of their likes and dislikes. That can be a turn-off. The purpose of your profile is to market you. If you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it feels like to be in a relationship with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones. So focus more on what you have to offer, and less on what they can do for you. I guarantee you ll see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.

2) It’s too needy. Here are some statements I see every day in women s profiles: I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time. I’m ready to be his everything. I’m looking for a relationship where we are totally devoted to each other. While some of this may be true for you, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. Remember, he doesn’t even know you. If you wouldn’t say it on your first date, don’t write it in your profile.

3) It’s not needy enough. Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. After all, you’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and are prepared to continue doing so. Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. It often goes something like this: “I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir.” Whew! You can go on to say that you look forward to a relationship, but really where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture? Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.

4) It’s too boring. “I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s too generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that s interesting. Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee and chile relleno. I like mine extra spicy. (Okay, doesn t hurt to flirt a little.)

5) You sound like a Debbie Downer. Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious. “I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.” Or “I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.” Or “I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents now it s my turn.” Again, this all may be true, but it s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable otherwise why would they want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man s profile and thought Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up I definitely want to meet him! Spend your initial time letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to both of your lives. You can roll out the “heavy” information as you get to know each other.

As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40. I’ve seen (and done) it all when it comes to online dating. I’ve seen how rewriting a profile, making it more positive, more aspirational, and less demanding can help the right guys find their way to your inbox. I ve also seen how it creates love connections. My husband and I met and married when I was 47 and I m now spending the happiest years of my life. Let me know how it goes for you!

Bobbi invites you to join her Grownup Girls Night Out! Every month she supports you with a different topic about dating, relationships. intimacy and more exclusively for women over 40. Learn how to attract smart, interesting, relationship-minded men that are RIGHT for you. You can register here for free.

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First-Date Mistakes You Can – t Afford to Make #social #dating #sites


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First-Date Mistakes You Can t Afford to Make

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Experts know that online dating can be a numbers game. You need to always put your best foot forward when you find a profile that s intriguing and are interested in pursuing someone. But what many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may also be many other people s favorite, too! I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates and you can t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line. Here are some first-date mistakes that you absolutely can t afford to make if you want to put a second date on your planning calendar:

1. Avoid the ex-factor.

I ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

2. Flirting with disaster.

My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.

3. Don t dress for the bedroom.

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

4. Obey the food and beverage rule.

While dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week, if a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat.

5. Hide the iPhone and BlackBerry

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile while you re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you re on a date.

6. Do your homework.

Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she s actually been married twice before. A man won t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he s really a doctor. Print out your date s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don t act like this person s just another number in a series and that you re too busy dating around to remember individual details.

7. It s a first date, not an instant relationship.

Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be The One, don t start talking about your future together right now. It s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don t start filling up someone s life as the instant girlfriend or instant boyfriend. It can come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable! Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you ve hit the jackpot. Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating who posted her first online dating profile in 1994 and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Spira s dating advice has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Men s Health, Woman s Day, and more. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

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Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru #single #dating


#dating advice for men

#

Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru

Carlos Xuma – Dating Advice For Men

San Mateo, CA (PRWEB) August 30, 2011

There are so many ways for men to blow it on that first date. Too many times all the hopes and expectations for that first meeting fly out the door when it becomes apparent that something went horribly wrong.

Dating Expert Carlos Xuma teaches dating advice for men to thousands of guys on the dating scene, and has learned that while there are many mistakes men can make during that first date, at least 10 of these major errors can easily be avoided. He recently released a special report outlining them in detail.

For instance, one easy thing to avoid is talking too much, he says. It is especially erroneous for men talk too much about themselves. And it is even worse if the talk is bragging.

“Guys need to focus at least 70% of the conversation on her,” Xuma tells men. “Her experience is that the man who listens to her will understand her, and she believes that the man who understands her will be a good lover. The reverse is doubly true – if he yammers on and on, she’ll nod and smile, but she’ll be thinking about what a bore he is, and how unlikely it is he’ll give her the love she desires. Take a lesson from the great talk show hosts. Watch them as they ask questions and get everyone laughing along the way.”

This is just one of the of dating tips for men that Carlos Xuma shares in his work as a dating and relationship expert – and in his recent report.

Another big mistake men make is letting the date drag on way too long. He has to end it while it’s going good, Xuma says.

“You have to have the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when they’ve found that she’s interested, and turn a good date into boredom. Unless she’s asking him back to her place, he has to pack it in politely. Don’t overstay the welcome.”

Plus, this leaves the woman wanting for more, he says in the dating advice for men report. If a man wants to get a girlfriend. he has to know this first rule of attraction.

Carlos Xuma teaches men how to improve and excel in these three areas so that women will actually flock to the men instead of the other way around. For years, he has been giving dating advice for men that has helped men improve their seduction techniques. learn how to attract women, and build self-confidence to a higher level than ever before.

Carlos Xuma has been a dating expert and attraction adviser for more than 10 years and has appeared on ABC and CBS television, as well as Playboy radio. He’s the author of The Bad Boy Formula, Secrets of the Alpha Male, the Girlfriend Training Program, and numerous other books and articles. He has also been recognized for his work sharing dating advice for men and helps them learn the Three S’s: self-confidence, self-discipline, and a sense of humor.

For more information, visit Carlos Xuma’s website at http://www.datingdynamics.com .

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Little Known Dating Tips, Secrets and Dating Mistakes… #dating #websites #search


#dating secrets

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Yes, I do. Every time I talk to a guy who tells me this, I discover he’s making the exact same mistakes most guys do, dating mistakes that kill his chances of successfully dating sexy women. So, I give him some dating tips to skyrocket his success with sexy women. Here are the most common ones:

Dating tip #1: Don’t date. Yes, that’s right—don’t date. Think about a traditional “date”—it’s full of pressure, awkwardness, evaluation and it just plain sucks. What do you do on a “traditional date?” Dinner, movie, kiss goodnight, she doesn’t return your calls. Or you have drinks, and try to “make your move,” and we all know where that ends up. Much better (and cheaper) to meet for coffee—it’s fun and relaxed with none of the normal dating expectations.

Dating tip #2: The less you do and say, the more she’s attracted to you. Most guys try to impress sexy women, or “lay a rap” on them. Sexy women have heard it all before. But, if you ask her about herself, shut up and listen, and display a SMALL degree of interest, she’ll begin to wonder why you’re not slobbering all over her. She’ll want to discover more… now you’re a challenge, and sexy women love challenging guys. Why? Because they rarely meet one. This is a HUGE dating tip.

Dating tip #3 Be a “naughty little boy.” Another big dating tip. Remember the “class clown” in elementary school—the guy who was “cool and funny” all at the same time? When you’re talking to sexy women, make unexpected and mischievous comments, the kind that leave them thinking, “I can’t believe he just said that… but I like it.” This shows sexy women you’re NOT impressed by their looks, that you need to see more. This is so different from what they’re used to they can’t help but be attracted. I cannot emphasize the importance of this dating tip.

Dating tip #4 Avoid all canned pick up lines, “laying a rap,” or any type of “acting.” Sexy women have heard it all before, and as soon as you spout one, you’re instantly a JAG (just another guy). And JAG’s don’t get sexy women—remember this dating tip!

Dating tip #5 Sexy women are approached and hit on 20 to 30 times a day. This is their world—to get into it, you have to be different from the 20 guys who’ve already talked to her. (see Dating tip #3 for how to be different to sexy women).

Dating tip #6 Look out for her tests. Sexy women (indeed, all women) will test you to see if you’ll stand up to them. If you can’t stand up to her, you can’t stand up for her. If she asks you to buy her things, that’s a test—and a perfect opportunity to be a “naughty little boy” (see Dating tip #3). Say something like, “What do I look like an ATM machine? You should buy ME something, just for the privilege of spending time with me. I like sexy women who buy me things!” This is said in a playful—yet firm—manner that lets her know you’re onto her. When you pass their tests, it drives sexy women wild with desire. Very important dating tip.

Dating tip #7 Date multiple sexy women at once, and make sure the others know about it. Sexy women love a man who is attractive to other sexy women, and will compete to “win you.” (Here’s another dating tip: for proof of this, read any good romance novel). If you want to settle down, you can choose one, but she will always know you’re desired by other sexy women—and in a strange way, this creates even more attraction for you. This dating tip really is a secret, but it works very well with sexy women.

OK, guys, that’s it for this article. Obviously there are lots of other dating tips, tricks and secrets to put to use, but if you pay attention to these dating tips, you’ll be a heckuva lot more successful with sexy women. Now, go re-read all the dating tips!

On with the fun…

-John Alanis, Dating Tips Master

“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

Want more dating tips? To discover how to be successful with sexy women, and for more great dating tips, see www.womenapproachyou.com .


Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40 #online #matchmaking


#dating over 40

#

Five Big Online Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Women over 40

Is your profile withering away online? Is it attracting the interest of couch potatoes, the chronically ill or the guys just looking for a little action? If so, you are likely making at least one of the mistakes commonly made by women over 40 who are using online dating as their new discos. (Really where do you meet men these days?)

Unfortunately, all it takes is one major profile mistake to potentially sabotage any chance of finding love or even a few good dates. Because, let s face it, the odds are not in our favor, ladies. As we get older the man-to-woman ratio moves more and more lopsided. Some statistics show that for every man over 50, there are up to 5 women; over 60, ten women, and so on. Ugh! The days of sitting back and waiting for anything incoming are over. If you want to be noticed and rise to the top, it pays to create the best possible profile and keep it polished and shiny. Because if it doesn’t catch his interest right away, it only takes a single click for him to find one that does.

The good news is that unlike a lot of things in life, your profile is easy to change and update. And once you know how it is inadvertently turning off the men who are looking for a positive, fun connection, it s really not that difficult. Here are the top five profile mistakes common to women over 40, along with specific tips to make your profile more appealing and reflective of the best you.

1) It’s a shopping list. Your profile is your calling card, not a wish list. Once you’ve hit your 40s and beyond, you kind of know what works for you and what doesn t. Many women use their profile as a list of their likes and dislikes. That can be a turn-off. The purpose of your profile is to market you. If you do a good job describing yourself and painting a picture of what it feels like to be in a relationship with you, it will attract the right men and repel the wrong ones. So focus more on what you have to offer, and less on what they can do for you. I guarantee you ll see the immediate payoff in the quality of men you attract.

2) It’s too needy. Here are some statements I see every day in women s profiles: I’ve waited so long for the right relationship and I hope it’s finally my time. I’m ready to be his everything. I’m looking for a relationship where we are totally devoted to each other. While some of this may be true for you, it’s not something to put in a profile. The man reads this as you having incredibly high expectations and reliance on your relationship for your happiness. Remember, he doesn’t even know you. If you wouldn’t say it on your first date, don’t write it in your profile.

3) It’s not needy enough. Women in their 40s, 50s and beyond are particularly guilty of this. After all, you’ve probably accomplished a lot in your life without a man and are prepared to continue doing so. Be careful not to sound like there is no room in your life for a relationship. It often goes something like this: “I spend my days as a busy lawyer and my evenings teaching courses at the local college. Many weekends are spent training for my next marathon and singing in my church choir.” Whew! You can go on to say that you look forward to a relationship, but really where can a man possibly see time for himself in that picture? Also, avoid these statements: “I don’t need a man, but it would be nice to have one in my life.” Or, “I’ve been fine all these years without a man but I ll make room for the right one .” Men, just like women, don’t want to feel like an accessory in someone else’s life. They especially need to feel needed and like an important contributor to your life. If you make it sound like you can take it or leave it, they are likely to help you leave it.

4) It’s too boring. “I love spending time with my friends, volunteering and reading novels.” When a man reads this his eyes glaze over and he moves on to the next profile. It’s too generic, common and, frankly says nothing about you that s interesting. Instead, be more specific and paint a picture for him. Such as, “A great evening for me is trying out the newest ethnic food restaurant with a few good friends and disagreeing about the controversial exhibit at the art museum.” Or, “Sunday mornings you’ll find me at the SPCA walking dogs and then off to my favorite breakfast joint for their fresh brewed coffee and chile relleno. I like mine extra spicy. (Okay, doesn t hurt to flirt a little.)

5) You sound like a Debbie Downer. Does your profile sound like someone who likes to have a good time? Don’t be negative or too serious. “I’ve tried online dating before and it didn’t work, but I’m trying it again.” Or “I’ve had a lot of challenges and hardships over the last 20 years and now I’m ready for a change.” Or “I’ve devoted my life to my children and caring for my elderly parents now it s my turn.” Again, this all may be true, but it s important to let your prospective match know that spending time with you will be enjoyable otherwise why would they want to contact you? When was the last time you read a man s profile and thought Wow, he sounds like he really needs me to cheer him up I definitely want to meet him! Spend your initial time letting him know how you relax and enjoy yourself and how being with you will add positively to both of your lives. You can roll out the “heavy” information as you get to know each other.

As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40. I’ve seen (and done) it all when it comes to online dating. I’ve seen how rewriting a profile, making it more positive, more aspirational, and less demanding can help the right guys find their way to your inbox. I ve also seen how it creates love connections. My husband and I met and married when I was 47 and I m now spending the happiest years of my life. Let me know how it goes for you!

Bobbi invites you to join her Grownup Girls Night Out! Every month she supports you with a different topic about dating, relationships. intimacy and more exclusively for women over 40. Learn how to attract smart, interesting, relationship-minded men that are RIGHT for you. You can register here for free.

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First-Date Mistakes You Can – t Afford to Make #christian #dating


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First-Date Mistakes You Can t Afford to Make

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Experts know that online dating can be a numbers game. You need to always put your best foot forward when you find a profile that s intriguing and are interested in pursuing someone. But what many singles fail to realize is that your number-one pick may also be many other people s favorite, too! I sometimes compare Internet dating to an online auction: there might be multiple bidders at any time, and may the best man or woman win. Do I think that online singles are nothing more than objects of affection? Not at all. Online dating is simply the first step in building a relationship between two people that you need to successfully move offline. But remember, there could be heavy competition for dates and you can t afford to blow your first impression, either online or off-line. Here are some first-date mistakes that you absolutely can t afford to make if you want to put a second date on your planning calendar:

1. Avoid the ex-factor.

I ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date. Instead, always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

2. Flirting with disaster.

My dad likes to flirt with waitresses. It s fine for my parents, as they have been married for over 50 years. Too often, though, I hear about men staring at their cute waitress or having a roving eye while on their first date with someone. So, men: focus on the woman you are meeting. Be captivated by your first-date conversation. Engage with the person sitting across the table from you.

3. Don t dress for the bedroom.

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

4. Obey the food and beverage rule.

While dating can be expensive if it includes multiple restaurants or drink tabs every week, if a man asks a woman out for coffee on a first date, he should offer to order her a beverage. If you think this is ridiculous, you d be surprised. Often, I hear about coffee dates where a gentleman will either bring his own water or just refuse to order a cup of tea for the woman he is meeting. If he is truly interested in getting to a second date, a coffee date means exactly that: it involves a beverage. Offer to order a coffee. A lunch or dinner date means ordering something to eat.

5. Hide the iPhone and BlackBerry

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile while you re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in. Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you re on a date.

6. Do your homework.

Just as you should be prepared for a job interview by researching your prospective employer to make a good impression, you should remember important details about the date you re meeting. If your calendar is filled with dates, it can be confusing. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man asking a woman why she never got married when she s actually been married twice before. A man won t feel good about his date when she asks why he decided to go into real estate when he s really a doctor. Print out your date s profile. Make notes on the page outlining the conversations you have together. Mention something that you liked about his or her profile. Don t act like this person s just another number in a series and that you re too busy dating around to remember individual details.

7. It s a first date, not an instant relationship.

Dating and courting is a process. Even if you connect on a deeper level and think he or she could be The One, don t start talking about your future together right now. It s just a first date. Enjoy the fact that it s going well. Be excited that you both want to put a second date on the calendar, but don t start filling up someone s life as the instant girlfriend or instant boyfriend. It can come across as needy and you might get a voicemail message later on canceling date number two. Show your date that you have a full and happy life. Having someone special in it will just make it that much better. And remember that courtship should be enjoyable! Even if there is no chemistry on your date, don t be rude and walk out. What if your date happens to have a friend he or she d be happy to introduce to you that would be a better fit? What if your date invites you to a business-networking event? Look at every date as a possibility for expanding your social network or meeting a new friend. If it turns into a romantic relationship, then you ve hit the jackpot. Julie Spira is a worldwide authority in online dating who posted her first online dating profile in 1994 and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Spira s dating advice has been featured in such publications as The New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Glamour, Men s Health, Woman s Day, and more. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.

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6 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid #matchmaking #sites


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Mashable

6 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid

So, you’d like to meet someone and have decided to go online. That’s a good move — proactive and forward-thinking. But be careful not to be lulled into habits that will undermine your online dating experience.

Here are some tips to keep in mind as you peruse the seemingly endless stream of profiles from prospective partners.

1. Don’t go crazy over the pictures.

On the Internet, it’s easy to feel nitpicky and maintain high expectations. With apps like Tinder, you snap-judge users as if you were scrolling Amazon for the best pair of speakers.

This sense of being in the driver’s seat, of choosing, can be appealing. It makes you feel powerful. Fight it.

If what you want is a real connection — a relationship with a person you hope to love and who will love you — you will have to bring your most mature and empathetic self to the project.

That means not saying, “Eh, she’s cute — but I prefer brunettes to blondes. Next!” You’d never behave this way in person, so don’t do it online.

2. Don’t obsess about the details.

Don’t worry too much about the particulars: which restaurants, bars, movies or books a potential date likes. (“Oh, he lives in Queens” or “She prefers Six Feet Under to The Sopranos .”)

Instead, take in the broad strokes — does he live in the same city? Is she a reader? Does he seem intelligent? Don’t become consumed with the idea that someone out there corresponds exactly to all your tastes and preferences.

After all, chances are many of your exes didn’t share your exact tastes, and nine times out of 10, it isn’t why you two broke up. If you obsess about the little things (this guy shares my passion for both dim sum and Noah Baumbach flicks!) you are likely to pass over the profiles of people who might actually make you happy.

3. Evaluate the tone of the profile.

What’s actually important in evaluating a profile is its tone. You want to try and get a sense of what the person is like, which can be truly difficult.

It’s a challenge as a novelist to convey characters in meaningful ways — it’s no less demanding for a person writing, or reading, dating profiles. It’s key to read between the lines to get a sense of whether the person seems well-adjusted — pleasant, friendly and reasonable, someone you would be drawn to if you met him or her in person, even if you didn’t know her top five favorite movies.

Look closely for signs of boastfulness, snideness or bitterness. Also, insincerity: the person who claims over and over again to “absolutely love” his or her life just the way it is, to be “completely and totally” satisfied with everything in it. These people claim to have joined said dating site on a lark (“my friend suggested it and I figured why not?”). These behaviors suggest this person might have trouble being honest about his or her vulnerability or true motives.

Attention to tone when you read profiles will help you to ferret some of those qualities no one admits to (we often don’t even know we have them, sadly).

4. Ignore claims about personality.

Ignore most of the person’s explicit claims about his or her personality — for example, “I have a sense of humor about myself” or “I’m an optimist.” People are very unreliable self-reporters.

That’s not just because they lie (although that’s a possibility, too), but because the way we see ourselves often bears little relation to how others see us. And only external events provoke our negative reactions, right? (We humans are expert self-justifiers.)

It means nothing. The only explicit claims worth taking at face value are factual — job, age, education and location. When it comes to less tangible qualities, people are just too biased.

On the other hand, it’s worth paying attention to what is implicit in a profile — e.g. a sense of humor that rises to the surface. (A friend of mine answered a question about his strengths this way: “I am responsible about refilling the Brita pitcher.” This says more about what he’s like in conversation than any claim of being a “funny person.”)

5. Don’t get attached based on a profile.

Image: Dave M. Benett/Getty Images

No matter how much of an expert you’ve become at reading profiles, and no matter how well this girl or guy corresponds to your dream match, there’s still a lot you won’t be able to glean until you sit across from him or her at a coffee shop.

It doesn’t matter how many delightfully winning asides he has included in profile about his cute devotion to his 96-year-old grandmother. Think her passion for hot dogs and minor league baseball suggests just the kind of chill, fun-loving girl you’ve fantasized about dating?

You learn so much more from a person’s manner and demeanor — whether he makes eye contact, her tone when she speaks, how often she smiles. You also recognize social niceties; that is, what sort of effort he makes to ask you questions, whether she is constantly checking her phone, etc.

So much vital information is only disclosed in person. The goal shouldn’t be to find your perfect match but merely to winnow down the possibilities to a reasonable number, and then to meet those people IRL.

6. Don’t construct a fantasy after two dates.

You shouldn’t do this offline either, of course, but the temptation to fantasize can be even greater when you’ve met someone online. After all, in his profile he claimed to be looking for a relationship (and why would he be online unless he really wanted to meet someone?) What more do you need? Answer: a lot.

Sometimes we get so tired of dating that we just want to be done with it, rush into the next thing: the relationship. But getting too attached too soon is often the worst thing that can happen to a budding connection. It tends to dampen flirtation or scares off your counterpart. After a few dates, you are still getting to know each other, no matter how perfect he or she seems. To become too attached suggests that you are projecting a fantasy onto the other person.

It can be hard, when you so badly want to find “the one,” but getting to know another person, truly, takes time and patience.

What are some other tips you have for evaluating online profiles for compatibility? Let us know in the comments.

Homepage Image: Michael Tercha/Chicago Tribune/MCT via Getty Images

BONUS: The Overly Attached Girlfriend’s Guide to Looking Creepy

Adelle Waldman’s first novel, The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.. has recently been published. Her writing has also appeared in Slate. The New York Times Book Review. The Wall Street Journal and The New Republic. More


Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru #gratis #dating


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Dating Advice For Men – The Top Ten Dating Mistakes Revealed In New Report By Relationship Guru

Carlos Xuma – Dating Advice For Men

San Mateo, CA (PRWEB) August 30, 2011

There are so many ways for men to blow it on that first date. Too many times all the hopes and expectations for that first meeting fly out the door when it becomes apparent that something went horribly wrong.

Dating Expert Carlos Xuma teaches dating advice for men to thousands of guys on the dating scene, and has learned that while there are many mistakes men can make during that first date, at least 10 of these major errors can easily be avoided. He recently released a special report outlining them in detail.

For instance, one easy thing to avoid is talking too much, he says. It is especially erroneous for men talk too much about themselves. And it is even worse if the talk is bragging.

“Guys need to focus at least 70% of the conversation on her,” Xuma tells men. “Her experience is that the man who listens to her will understand her, and she believes that the man who understands her will be a good lover. The reverse is doubly true – if he yammers on and on, she’ll nod and smile, but she’ll be thinking about what a bore he is, and how unlikely it is he’ll give her the love she desires. Take a lesson from the great talk show hosts. Watch them as they ask questions and get everyone laughing along the way.”

This is just one of the of dating tips for men that Carlos Xuma shares in his work as a dating and relationship expert – and in his recent report.

Another big mistake men make is letting the date drag on way too long. He has to end it while it’s going good, Xuma says.

“You have to have the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when they’ve found that she’s interested, and turn a good date into boredom. Unless she’s asking him back to her place, he has to pack it in politely. Don’t overstay the welcome.”

Plus, this leaves the woman wanting for more, he says in the dating advice for men report. If a man wants to get a girlfriend. he has to know this first rule of attraction.

Carlos Xuma teaches men how to improve and excel in these three areas so that women will actually flock to the men instead of the other way around. For years, he has been giving dating advice for men that has helped men improve their seduction techniques. learn how to attract women, and build self-confidence to a higher level than ever before.

Carlos Xuma has been a dating expert and attraction adviser for more than 10 years and has appeared on ABC and CBS television, as well as Playboy radio. He’s the author of The Bad Boy Formula, Secrets of the Alpha Male, the Girlfriend Training Program, and numerous other books and articles. He has also been recognized for his work sharing dating advice for men and helps them learn the Three S’s: self-confidence, self-discipline, and a sense of humor.

For more information, visit Carlos Xuma’s website at http://www.datingdynamics.com .

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