Dating Advice from Men – Male Secrets #san #francisco #dating

#dating tips for men


The Secrets Men Keep

What He’s Thinking

We like to cuddle. Cuddling is all about mood and ambience. It’s peaceful to lie in someone’s arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV (although that tends to distract me) in the background. It’s nice to hear nothing but your lover’s breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning. Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship.

What He’s Thinking

We think we are good in bed. Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you’re confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.

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What He’s Thinking

Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you’re sober, before you get wasted with them. Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it’s fine. Just don’t push it too far.

Ansgar Werrelmann/Image Source/Veer

What He’s Thinking

Heavy makeup is a turnoff. I’ve always been the type of guy who appreciates a natural look as it is, and when a girl does her makeup well, the results can be magical. But the one thing that should never happen is excessive application: too much, too many colors, or if it’s just a botched attempt at a good makeup technique. Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.

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What He’s Thinking

We put pressure on ourselves to get married. Women tell me that they feel more pressure to settle down because they can’t have children as easily past a certain age. I don’t feel pressure in that sense, but I do fear that my appearance and my “game” (not that either are working for me presently) will fade as I get older. It’s fun being one of the few guys in my group of friends who hasn’t yet found love, but at the same time I wonder what is wrong with me. and I’m trying to decide if time is running out. I’m so far behind, I can’t imagine being asked to meet on Sunday for brunch by a girl I’ve dated for a month, much less having a child or being married.

Ben Goldstein/Studio D

What He’s Thinking

We want to bail the morning after a one-night stand. Do not linger in bed hung over. I’m foul when I’m hung over, so I am sure others are too. You can’t contaminate someone’s bed with that. Do everything you can to get home and fester in your own bed. People have things to do over the weekend. Give each other a hug, wish each other well, don’t say anything about calling, and don’t believe him when he mutters that he will call you.

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What He’s Thinking

You’ll never understand our sports obsession. I know some women love sports. But are they as obsessed with sports like guys are? I read about sports every day, and go over stats. And I do find myself telling my sisters about University of Virginia and Boston College teams — where they went to school. There is no reason women wouldn’t understand or know sports like guys do if they were as obsessed. I just think guys across the board are more sports-obsessed than women are.

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What He’s Thinking

Sex in the shower is overrated. I once tried this, but the entire time I was trying to contort my body so that I could get everything inserted correctly. That “up against the wall” variation is tougher than it sounds. The entire shower apparatus is so slippery, and then you have soap all over the place. It’s a danger zone. Plus, I do my best to keep my bathroom clean, but I don’t think I’d ever want to have sex anywhere near something called “mildew.”

What He’s Thinking

We do think you’re crazy sometimes, but only because it makes things easier for us. Once I accepted that women were “crazy” (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as “crazy,” it makes it easier to deal. We don’t really think women are insane, we just say it so we can be done thinking about their antics and move on.

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50 Things Men Want You to Know Right Now About Dating & Sex

We took to the internet via Reddit and polled our male pals to. By Maura Brannigan

Secrets To Attracting Women – Hookup Websites #meet #people

#attracting women


secrets to attracting women

These are places where cultural differences found a language that built rather than quot ;: destroyed love.

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Ask yourself questions like, if you want a free service or would like to subscribe to paid services? Based on your preferences, you can opt for Chinese good dating sites dating services for your appointment.

secrets to attracting women

It is said that those who, for example, take a virtual tour of the art gallery together, will have a more successful face-to-face as those just considered alone profiles.

If you look around, or ask one of your friends, they will have a story to tell how they met their spouses through the Internet.

secrets to attracting women

Paid or free online dating services are the most effective way to connect them.

Many people do not accept these couples as it is not the general function of a company.

secrets to attracting women

Four Secrets of Attracting Women #single #parent

#attracting women


Four Secrets of Attracting Women

In the romantic comedy Groundhog Day , Bill Murray plays Phil Connors, a sarcastic and selfish TV weatherman sent to report on whether the legendary groundhog sees his shadow that year. He contemptuously mocks Rita, his idealistic producer, when she tells him the ground hog s shadow is a cute story that people love.

After halfheartedly covering the event, he can t wait to get back to the city and away from the hicks he despises including Rita. But a blizzard closes the highway and strands him for another night. Thus begins his magical chance to rethink his selfish life.

The next morning, Phil realizes he is mysteriously reliving yesterday Groundhog Day over and over again. No matter what relationships he forms or plans he makes, he wakes up each morning with the clock reset, destined to live the day over again. He quickly decides to take advantage of his new consequence-free life: to rob an armored car, seduce beautiful women, eat and drink as much as he wants, and spend money like it grew on trees. He even tries his new trick on Rita. Night after night he makes use of what he has learned about her likes and dislikes to try and seduce her. But it doesn t work. Night after night she slaps his face and slams the door.

Slowly, Phil reaches a turning point and finally begins to see that good relationships are more about making someone else happy than making himself happy. The next morning he shows up with coffee and pastries for Larry, the cameraman he has consistently insulted. He knows when and where a kid will fall from a tree and is there every day to catch him. He consistently changes a flat tire for a carload of elderly women. He buys a meal for a homeless man he always avoided before.

Rita, for whom each Groundhog Day is the only one, is intrigued and attracted by the changes in Phil. But he is too busy with his new life of service to respond to her, even when she pursues him.

You can see by now how the story ends: Devoting himself to other people, Phil finally breaks the spell that has kept him trapped in time for so long. And by changing himself, he changes how Rita and others see him.

This clever story perfectly illustrates the difference between attracting women like a Venus fly trap lures its prey and attracting women by actually being attractive to women. Sure, looks and style play a part too. But women worth attracting usually expect a man s appeal to go deeper than that. If you want to be a guy who wins a woman s heart for all the right reasons, here are four qualities to develop:

Attracting women with honesty.

She wants a man who is what he appears to be, with no hidden agendas or slick sales pitches. Lying and deceit dissolve trust, but truthfulness is the glue that holds two people together.

Attracting women with kindness.

She wants a man who knows how to consider the needs and feelings of someone besides himself. A little thoughtfulness and generosity go a long way toward piquing a woman s interest.

Attracting women with passion and purpose.

She wants a man who knows himself, loves life, and lives it fully. Discover what inspires and energizes you in life and your woman will be motivated to join you in your pursuits.

Attracting women with confidence.

She wants a man who is full of self-assurance and self-respect. Few things are as attractive to a woman than a man who is confident but not cocky, secure but not selfish.

Attracting women is not a strategy it s a way of life. Many men think wooing a woman is mostly about looking good and acting cool. Most women, however, will tell you that the real attraction happens from the inside out.


10 Single Mom Secrets #find #singles



10 Single Mom Secrets

Seek Out Role Models
Single parents and their kids can flourish, and there are plenty of examples to prove it. Make a list of single parents—or children raised by a single parent—who inspire you, and refer to it when you’re having a rough day. Some of the people on my list include President Obama, who was raised by his single mom and grandparents; President Clinton, who was brought up primarily by his mom; and actress Bridget Moynahan, who went through her pregnancy alone after splitting from Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. I’m not just inspired by celebrities though; my real life friend Matt who blogs at about unexpected single fatherhood is another confidence booster for me. Seeing all of these success stories and many more unfold before my eyes is proof that single parenthood is not only manageable, but an incredible gift that allows me to shape my son into a wonderful human being.

If you need more inspiration, check out the book Holding Her Head High: 12 Single Mothers Who Championed Their Children and Changed History by Janine Turner. It’s full of amazing single moms dating back to the Middle Ages.

Find A Work Schedule That Suits Your Family
As a freelance writer, I’m lucky to work from home, but it wasn’t always this way. I used to be on staff at a magazine where I worked long hours that didn’t really match up well with JD’s daycare pickup. So, I took a deep breath and asked my boss if I could work a slightly different schedule where I came in earlier but left in time to get my son from daycare. My boss was understanding and allowed me to work a more convenient shift. Don’t be afraid to express your needs to your employer, or reveal you’re a single parent, because most bosses want to work with you, not against you. You can also check out the best companies for working mothers to target your job search to companies with family-friendly benefits.

Schedule Kid-Free Time
I’m not saying you have to go on a date, or even out for girls night. But I am saying there is no harm in getting a babysitter so you can enjoy a pedicure or trip to the bookstore when you don’t go near the children’s section. You have to remember that married couples have their date nights, or at least times where they hand the kids off to each other. Single motherhood is hard work and you deserve time off every once in a while. Can’t spring for a sitter? Arrange a childcare swap with a mom friend you trust.

Larsen Talbert

Don’t Have A Competition With Yourself
On days when I have to get out of the house to bring JD to school so I can work, I often try to do it all—make beds, do breakfast dishes, play and clean up toys. But it occurred to me one particularly chaotic morning (think Cheerios on the floor, a missing sneaker and an empty mascara tube), the only thing I have to do by 8am is feed JD breakfast, shower, get both of us dressed and out the door. No one was keeping score of the unmade beds but me. Now I ditch morning chores and play blocks or color with JD instead of rushing to clean before we leave. This laidback approach takes a lot of pressure off me, and I know my son enjoys the extra quality time.

Point Out Good Qualities In Men
No dad in the picture? This means it’s up to you to show your child that there are good men all around him. So when my older brother put our new kitchen table together, I made a big deal about how awesome and helpful he was being in front of JD. When my dad shows up to JD’s soccer practices and games, I tell him how much Poppy loves him and that he used to coach his uncles’ teams, so he can show him how to make a winning goal. I asked my brother Brian to attend the Father’s Day party at JD’s school and I make a point to hang out with my platonic guy friends in front of JD, because I want him to see the interaction. If Dad’s not around to show your son or daughter how a good man behaves or to do “guy things,” than it’s your very important job to seek out these role models.

Congratulate Yourself
I know this sounds silly, but if you live alone with your child, no one is going to pat you on the back when your kid is finally potty-trained or when you serve up a hot, healthy dinner after working all day. You should be aware of these epic achievements and know you’re the one making it all happen. I smile proudly when JD burps and says “excuse me,” without me having to prompt him. When he shares his toys at the park, I feel good that my constant “share with your friends” speech has sunk in. I do it all, and I deserve the recognition.

Always Be Prepared
I never leave home without a sippy cup and snack of some kind. I also keep crayons, a coloring book, a few Matchbox cars and snack in my purse at all times. I stash clean clothes, snacks and juice boxes in my car. Being prepared is important for all parents, but even more so for single ones since it’s up to only me to squelch a meltdown or entertain my child while we wait to be seated for dinner.

Multitask Strategically
I try to accomplish housework and playtime simultaneously, so I’m not up for hours after bedtime getting chores done. I sit on the living room floor with a basket of clean laundry and fold while JD races cars on a ramp. Every so often, I make a “vrooom” noise and slide a car down the path. I can also hold up a shirt to quiz JD on his colors, or encourage him to pair socks together. Work, play and even some sneaky learning gets done and everyone is happy.

Jana Duggar Dating Secrets Revealed, 19 Kids And Counting – Star Has Reportedly Refused To Enter Courtship #online #personals

#dating secrets


Jana Duggar Dating Secrets Revealed, ’19 Kids And Counting’ Star Has Reportedly Refused To Enter Courtship

Jana Duggar (second from left) with her sisters (left to right) Joy, Jill, Jessa and Jinger in Season 8 of “19 Kids and Counting.” Photo: TLC

“19 Kids and Counting” viewers have long since wondered why Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s oldest daughter, Jana Duggar, has yet to settle down. Despite speculation that Jana, 25, has been too busy serving her many siblings to find a partner, Radar Online reports that the reality star has simply yet to meet her perfect future husband.

“Jana has been pursued by several guys,” a insider reportedly close to the Duggar family told the site. Despite her ability to attract Christian men, viewers shouldn’t expect Jana to walk down the aisle anytime soon. “She has never gotten to the courting phase with anyone, but she has spoken with interested men after church,” an insider said.

Unlike her sisters Jill, 23, who tied the knot with Derick Dillard, 25, in June, and Jessa. 22, who married Ben Seewald, 19, in November, Jana reportedly has turned down at least two potential suitors. “The problem is that Jana’s extremely picky,” said a source when speaking about the men who have tried to begin an official courtship. “She wants the real deal and won’t settle for less.”

Jana was last rumored to be seeing former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow, 27. Following several reports of their alleged courtship, a rep for Tebow confirmed that his client had “never even met” the TLC star. Jana’s cousin and co-star, Amy Duggar, 28, also added her own two cents about the dating rumors after Star magazine published claims she was trying to steal the former athlete away.

“Jana and I laughed so hard about this,” Amy said on Instagram, referencing the magazine’s report. “We’ve never even met Tim Tebow. #allsmilesnodrama.”

Rumors of Jana’s courtship with the Christian athlete first came to light in December after Jim Bob and Michelle were photographed with Tebow’s mom, Pam. The photo op took place at a Loving Choices Pregnancy Centers fundraiser near the Duggars’ home in Tontitown, Arkansas.

Jana and the rest of the Duggar family are currently filming Season 9 of “19 Kids and Counting.” The series returns to TLC Tuesday, Feb. 17.

Dating Secrets For Women – Find Friends And Start Dating #online #dating #web #site

#dating secrets


Dating secrets for women The fourth point is that I recommend you keep your cool profile.�If you get too great a number of contacts with the type of people you are not interested, perhaps review your profile and see why you attract these kinds of people. As mentioned, there are sites that cater to specific groups of people, such as those for dating Christians online or online dating for professionals.

dating secrets for women

Most dating sites have a huge database, and they help you overcome your loneliness. This kind of meeting gets rid of the scene where we feel some awkwardness before initiating a conversation.

The dating secrets for women

dating secrets for women

In general, professional meetings firms feel happy to explain about their testimonies before asking them.�Portfolio helps to get a good relationship with your dating coach to have successful dating life. A first date with someone you may not even know or truly compatible with can easily run $ 200 or more, and there is never a guarantee that you can even play or you want to see that person again.

Secrets of online dating #100 #free #online #dating

#dating secrets


You’re finally considering doing this online dating thing you know millions of people do it. In fact, 26% of all Internet users 39 million Americans visited a personals Web site in December, 2003, according to the Web measurement firm comScore Media Metrix.

But how do you begin? What should you focus on? Evan Marc Katz, author of I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating (Ten Speed Press, $14.95) shares tips with USA TODAY’S Janet Kornblum. Katz, 31, is the founder of E-Cyrano. a consulting firm that helps people write better profiles to post on dating Web sites.

Why have online dating sites become so popular?

It’s a natural extension of where we are at this point in time. Everybody has computers. Everybody wants to fall in love. Why not merge those two things?

Everybody. You can’t point to one demographic because that’s like saying who goes to movies? It’s essentially the world’s biggest singles bar. Except you can do it in the privacy of your own home and take your time to read about someone and get to know them by e-mail and phone before you ever go out.

So how come you haven’t found the woman of your dreams?

It’s not the Internet’s job to help me find the woman of my dreams. It’s the Internet’s job to introduce me to people. And it’s done that very well. I’ve fallen in love I’ve had three girlfriends that I would call serious. I’ve had a series of other relationships. Whether two people are meant to be together for the next 50 years, that’s compatibility, luck, timing.

How do men and women differ in online dating styles?

Men do more initiating contact. And their philosophy is, “Hey, it’s a numbers game.” So a guy will get online and the first day, will write to 50 different people short generic letters. He’ll have nothing to say in his profile and wonder why nobody writes back to him.

And the woman gets online and posts a pretty picture. She’ll have 200 people reply to her on her first day and will be completely overwhelmed. Most of them didn’t bother to read her essay.

If a man knew that he was competing against 200 other men to get the attention of that one women, I think he’d put more time into his profile and his introductory e-mail.

How often should you change your profile?

One of my favorite quotes is by Benjamin Franklin: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Let that be your guide. If you’re not getting the results you are looking for, that’s when it’s time to shake things up. That’s when it’s time to look at other people’s profiles. What do you respond to when you read someone else’s profile? If you respond to someone who has a lot of detail and a lot of personality and a lot of warmth, why wouldn’t you put that in your profile yourself?

You advise people to avoid spelling out their negative traits and relationship experiences in their essays. Why?

Let people find that those traits out themselves. If the whole purpose of this is to meet people, why do something that is going to turn someone away? I could put a picture of myself when I just woke up in the morning. I do look like that at a certain point in time. But that’s really not going to encourage people to write to me. Don’t lie, but at the same time, it seems to be pretty counterproductive to talk about what’s wrong with you. Most people use this as a confessional. They don’t think “How is this coming off to a reader?” They just write what they feel. Some days we feel good about ourselves and some days we don’t. The truth is, people want to be around people who are happy and positive and confident.

What are other common mistakes?

Number one: People put no thought into their essays. They don’t understand the importance of it. They get very little response because their essays say nothing about themselves. Most people will use the same vocabulary words to describe themselves: I am or I am looking for someone who is nice and smart and kind and warm and funny and honest and successful and ambitious and family-oriented.That’s all well and good but that could be written by anybody. Lots of people will say they’re romantic. Well, show me. How are you romantic? Are you the kind of person who on the random Wednesday is going to bring home a single rose for your girlfriend? Are you going to cook a candlelight dinner on your one-year anniversary? There are just different ways of saying the same thing.

What about lying in profiles?

Liars? That is something that is impossible to police. People who lie think “If I put a picture of myself five years ago when I was 30 pounds thinner or had a full head of hair, that’s going to make someone more likely to go out with me.” That is true. However, two steps ahead you meet the person and they turn out to look nothing like their picture. And that date’s over before it starts.

What do men and women lie about most?

Women lie about their weight and age. Men lie about their height, their age, their income. And everybody lies with their photos. When you put a picture, put up a full disclosure picture with a big smile people do like happy. And put up a picture of your body. What I do is I assume somebody is going to be 20% worse looking than their picture -and then I’m pleasantly surprised.

You say people limit themselves too much. How?

You can always not go out with someone who you see online but you can’t go out with them if you don’t see them. So loosen up your search criteria. Think of what we call deal breakers things that you absolutely cannot tolerate. If you’re Catholic and you won’t date Protestants, OK. Put that in the search criteria. But if it’s not a deal-breaker, don’t include it. That goes for age. That goes for height.

Should you look for dates online if you’re not that serious?

Absolutely. Don’t do it if you’re in a bad place, but this can serve whatever purpose you want it to serve. Think of it like joining the gym. You can join the gym and work out six days a week, workout three days a week, one day a week, once a month. You get out what you put in.

Dating Secrets: Body Language Do s and Don ts, How to Tell If He s Interested – ABC News #photo #dating

#dating secrets





Yahoo!-ABC News Network | 2016 ABC News Internet Ventures. All rights reserved.

Most singles know the basics of what works and what doesn’t when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. But could scoring that second date really lie in the blink of an eye, the subtle positioning of hands in a pocket or the flip of the hair?

The answer from body language expert Tonya Reiman is a resounding yes. Reiman, the author of a new book, ” The Body Language of Dating ,” says we send out subtle signals all the time without knowing it, and those nonverbal signs are stronger than any pickup line.

“It could be as simple as looking down and then suddenly looking up. … Maybe we’ll hold a glass in a way that kind of looks somewhat sexual. … Those are signals,” she told ” Good Morning Americ a.” “I don’t necessarily have to be a 10 appearance-wise, but if I can be a 10 confidence-wise and send out those signals that say, ‘I’m interested in you,’ you’re much more likely to say, ‘Hey, I like you! I don’t know why I like you, but I like you!”

“Good Morning America’s” Cameron Mathison sent two brave female volunteers out to a New York City bar to see firsthand what works and what doesn’t in today’s dating world. Reiman analyzed their body language from the hidden cameras and gave us her tried-and-true do’s and don’ts for single women to keep in mind, plus what women should look for in a man’s body language to gauge how interested he is.

  • Be self-aware. It’s the No. 1 most important fact to know what signals you are sending.
  • Smile. It’s infectious.
  • Hair flipping or primping is a known turn on. “We might be playing with our hair, but we’re really saying, look at me. Those are the little signals that hit off on a man’s paternal instincts,” she explained to “GMA.”
  • Be more open.
  • Be engaged.
  • Stand tall and hold your head high.
  • Look your interest in the eye and break eye contact by looking down and looking back up.
  • Touch as often as possible on nonsexual areas.
  • Wear natural scents such as vanilla and lavender.
  • Expose your wrists – they are but one of several erogenous zones.
  • Point your body in his direction.
  • Tilt your head to the left (studies show this is more sexually attractive).
  • Nod your head when he is speaking.
  • Limit texting, as it is a one-person sport.
  • No sitting on your hands.
  • Hunched shoulders are a turn off.
  • Dart your eyes all over the room – it makes you look insecure.
  • Cross your arms in front of your body (not only does it indicate you are defensive, but studies have found we absorb less information when we close our body language).
  • Keep your hands in your pockets.
  • Stand with your legs crossed (scissor stand).
  • Get too close until you gauge his interest.
  • Don’t rub your hands together.
  • Rub or touch your nose.
  • Slouch in a chair.
  • He looks at you and his eyebrows go up – this indicates interest
  • His pupils dilate (recognize lighting).
  • His lips part slightly.
  • He looks you up and down slowly.
  • You are his sole focus of attention (you are the only one in the room, metaphorically).
  • He touches himself, anywhere, while looking at you (runs his hands through his hair, fixes his socks, brushes his suit jacket, etc.).
  • A shoulder flash (which is a speedy lifting of the shoulders) conveys interest by demonstrating harmlessness.
  • Posturing – erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
  • Leans his upper body toward you.

POF Dating Secrets for Plenty of Fish on the App Store #women #dating

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POF Dating Secrets for Plenty of Fish

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Have to have app if you’re on POF, Tinder or any other dating site. If you’re having trouble on any site getting likes and dates, You’re doing something wrong. This app tells you exactly how to correct your blunders of the past and how to get plenty of dates. It has worked for me it can work for you. You have many moments while learning because you should’ve known better but you didn’t. Give it a try. I guarantee you’ll get more likes and dates then Ever before.

Major Eats

Even though I’ve been on and off this site for seven months it’s ranked # 1 in my book. I’ve been out several times. And even though on a few they weren’t who thei profile said they were. We still went out and had real conversation. It’s a real site with some real people. Thank you

Must have for POF

Very helpful advice especially for those new to not just POF, but any dating site. Solid concepts and new information to continue to build with as your continue into the dating world. Whether starting over or just starting out, this a great and helpful app with solid evidence-based advice!

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The Best Dating Secrets From My Mom (That I Finally Followed) #online #dating #web #site

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The Best Dating Secrets From My Mom (That I Finally Followed)

In spite of my feeling like boy-repellant growing up, my mom always did her best to make me feel as if I was the most remarkable, beautiful young girl who didn’t have to worry about boys so much. When we woke up on a Saturday morning to our trees covered in toilet-paper tinsel, I thought it was a prank from someone who hated me. Instead, my mom took a broom to the branches and tried to appease my worries. “It was probably from a boy who has a crush on you.”

When my first boyfriend broke my heart, she was there to hug me and tell me he must have grown stupid.

And as I went to my senior prom without a date, she went all out, letting me borrow her most bold and treasured jewelry. She even ordered a sweet-smelling fuschia gerber-daisied corsage that ran up my forearm. I might have been dateless, but I still felt loved.

Along with her support throughout the years, she’s also passed along some solid dating advice that I took to heart. Not matter how far back my eyes rolled when she would say them, I was listening. Once I finally took all her advice to heart, I found a keeper.

“Go out with him anyway. He might have friends.”

The more I dated, the more quickly I became frustrated. My criteria for who I would date became more specific and I didn’t want to waste my time on guys who I didn’t think matched me well. But my mom would continually suggest I cast the net wide, meet as many people as possible, and – most importantly – be kind. “He might have friends!” she would chant.

I thought she was nuts. I thought it was breaking some sort of unsaid dating rule to go out with someone and then date his friend, or roommate, or even his brother. Her reaction? I was overthinking and taking the idea of a “date” too seriously. I just needed to meet some people, widen my circle of friends, and see if any of the guys caught my interest.

Eventually I started to realize that she was right. I needed to take dating less seriously. I needed to simplify: meet people with the intention of making friends instead of being in desperate pursuit of finding the right guy.

“Keep thinking, ‘He would be really lucky to date me.'”

Often I would wonder, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he like me?” My mother helped me realize that this line of thinking was becoming self-destructive. Too often, I was basing too much of my self-worth on one guy’s opinion about myself. Mom suggested that I change my thinking and own a stronger, healthier perspective about myself. Instead of wondering about a man’s current opinion about me, I should instead adopt the mindset that he – and any other guy – would be lucky to date me. Once I adopted this mindset, I realized I wasn’t worrying so much about whether a handsome dude would be interested and instead found myself enjoying the moment.

“It’s all about attitude.”

My mother has continually taught me that my feelings are my choice, and that a change of attitude can dramatically change the way I handle any situation. I used to think of dating as a horrible punishment for single people. When I was dumped before my 31 st birthday, I debated a dating drought and investing in a lifetime supply of sweatpants and upgrading my Netflix queue to include every version of Pride and Prejudice. Instead, mom’s advice helped me get off the couch and make a big change in my approach to dating. I launched a dating project, 31 Dates in 31 Days.

It was through that project that I put all of mom’s advice into action. I changed my attitude about dating altogether: I would stop trying to find a boyfriend and stop approaching dating as a means to an end. Instead, I would have fun, enjoy meeting people, and explore my city.

Thinking “he would be lucky to date me” gave me the courage and confidence to go out on one first date every day for a month in the face of naysayers who doubted I could get 31 guys to go out with me.

And even mom’s advice about going out with guys because he “might have friends” ended up being worthwhile. Out of my 31 dates, some of my favorites were with men I’d met through guys I’d gone on at least one date with. In fact, that’s how I met the guy I ended up marrying a year later.

No surprise: Mom was right.

But my mom’s best advice wasn’t advice at all. It was through showing her love for others and letting love into her own life. Something I’m still happily learning with my own marriage.

Mom, thanks for the love, advice, and example you’ve given me. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I hope to share your wisdom with her someday. I can’t wait to see how much she rolls her eyes at me. I’ve realized that it’s a sign that she’s actually listening.

Tamara Duricka Johnson is a journalist and author of the award-winning book, 31 Dates in 31 Days .

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