An object at rest tends to stay at rest, especially if you’re behind it when the light turns green.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
Mary Ellen Kelly
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self-Reliance,” 1841
It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.
Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer.
It wasn’t the Exxon Valdez captain’s driving that caused the Alaskan oil spill. It was yours.
Greenpeace advertisement, New York Times. 25 February 1990
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
Your grandchildren will likely find it incredible or even sinful that you burned up a gallon of gasoline to fetch a pack of cigarettes!
Dr. Paul MacCready, Jr.
A city that outdistances man’s walking powers is a trap for man.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
Americans are broad-minded people. They’ll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn’t drive, there is something wrong with him.
Art Buchwald, “How Un-American Can You Get?,” Have I Ever Lied to You?. 1966
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.
The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man.
Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
Dave Barry, “Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn”
The longest journey begins with a single step, not with a turn of the ignition key.
Restore human legs as a means of travel. Pedestrians rely on food for fuel and need no special parking facilities.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.
The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to the self, his mobile Walden Pond.
A commuter tie-up consists of you and people who for some reason won’t use public transit.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Consider the man on horseback, and I have been a man on horseback for most of my life. Well, mostly he is a good man, but there is a change in him as soon as he mounts. Every man on horseback is an arrogant man, however gentle he may be on foot. The man in the automobile is one thousand times as dangerous. I tell you, it will engender absolute selfishness in mankind if the driving of automobiles becomes common. It will breed violence on a scale never seen before. It will mark the end of the family as we know it, the three or four generations living happily in one home. It will destroy the sense of neighborhood and the true sense of Nation. It will create giantized cankers of cities, false opulence of suburbs, ruinized countryside, and unhealthy conglomerations of specialized farming and manufacturing. It will make every man a tyrant.
R.A. Lafferty, “Interurban Queen,” 1970, a short story set in the late 1800s (Thanks, Sam!)
Automobiles are not ferocious. it is man who is to be feared.
Robbins B. Stoeckel
No one should be able to enter a wilderness by mechanical means.
Garrett Hardin, The Ecologist. February 1974
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
Road rage is the expression of the amateur sociopath in all of us, cured by running into a professional.
Driving a brand new car feels like riding around in an open billfold with the dollars flapping by your ears as they fly out the window.
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
I’m all about sharing the road with other drivers as long as they use the part that’s behind me.
Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work.
If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.
It helps if you don’t see it as traffic but rather as thousands of individuals resolved to press on another day.
Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
The elderly don’t drive that badly; they’re just the only ones with time to do the speed limit.
Making a left turn in L.A. is one of the harder things you’re going to learn in life.
Lawrence Kasdan and Meg Kasdan,
Last modified 2017 Jan 14 Sat 20:34 PST