How Not to Lose Yourself in Relationships – What You Need to Know #freckle #time #tracking, #lynette #squeaky #fromme #assassinations #crime #political #assassination #charles #manson #dr. #louann #brizendine #beverly #engel #disappearing #woman #syndrome #female #brain #needy #women #loving #him #without #losing #yourself


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11 Unexpected Facts About Attraction

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  • 5 Things Every Smart, Single Man Is Looking for in a Woman

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  • 7 Nice Things to Say to Mean, Rude People

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  • Unexpected Habits That Can Sink a Marriage

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  • 6 (Not Soul-Scorching) Questions to Ask If You’re Still Single

  • 5 Fights Every Couple Has to Have Once

  • Quiz: What’s Your Conflict Style?

  • 4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You End a Relationship

  • 10 Insanely Nice Things You Can Say to Anybody

  • How to Survive a Rainy Day with Children: A Summer Guide

  • Is It Time to End That Friendship?

  • 5 Things Blissful Couples Do

    Where Did You Go? How Not to Lose Yourself When You Finally Meet Him

    After a fight with her authoritative father, an 18-year-old freckle-faced, redheaded girl is kicked out of her parents Southern California home. While crying on Venice Beach, she meets a man who asks, What s the problem? She hesitates. She knows not to talk to strangers, but she s also intrigued. After just one small conversation, she feels like he knows her thoughts. That he understands what she s going through. That he s on her side. He tells her he s on his way up north to the woods and that she could go with him. She decides to go and live with him; she doesn t know why and doesn t really care.

    A 30-something single, successful woman passionate about her career and active social life meets the man of her dreams. He loves spending every minute he can with her. At least that s what she told her friend at the lunch before she dropped off the face of the earth six months ago. Now, all her time is spent making dinners for her boyfriend, watching his stepdaughter on the weekend while he s playing football with his friends, and not replying to any of her mom s phone calls, her friends e-mails or her colleagues Facebook status updates.

    Do these women sound like anyone you know? Or perhaps, you are the repeat love offender falling hard and fast for a man instead of gradually allowing a relationship into your life. If you feel like you ve lost touch with the woman-you-once-were in your relationship-that-now-is, then you may be familiar with Disappearing Woman Syndrome. Beverly Engel. psychoanalyst and author of Loving Him Without Losing Yourself. describes it as losing track of what you believe in, what you stand for, what s important to you and what makes you happy.


  • How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways #soulmates #dating #site


    #how to date

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    How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways

    This year, though, it was less about me spending an hour shaving and more about reflection, introspection, and a journey into the heart of self-love.

    Believe me, I m no expert at the fine art of fierce self-love. I m generally much better at self-deprecation and self-sabotage.

    Backstory: I first began processing the idea of dating myself as I was going through a major, major breakup last year. It was the most defining relationship I d ever been a part of; it was with a man who was the first person to ever know me- the good, the bad, and the early in the morning me (yikes). It was a tumultuous, terrible, wonderful, bright, miserable, enlightening, and invigorating relationship- all at once. But, he just changed his mind one day. Something about not being able to stand me or something. And when it was over, I was, simply, alone.

    I didn t know where to turn for the highs and lows I d become so accustomed to over the years. I didn t know who to run to or how to distract myself from reality. I didn t have a definition anymore. It sucked big time.

    I was in hell. And not because I missed him. I was in hell because I knew in my deepest deep that I was just going to have to be me. I didn t know me and I didn t really want to get to know me, either. It seemed too scary. What if I didn t like me once I got to know me?

    Without much of a choice, and in a last ditch effort to pull myself up from the pile of potato chip bags and Ray Lamontagne CD s, I took myself on a date. I went to see a movie. Alone. By myself. Yes. Me in the theatre. A movie I couldn t talk anyone else into seeing with me. So I went. Just for me. And I dressed up. And I bought myself some sour candies and a big old popcorn. And it. felt. so. good.

    It actually was really scary. It was invigorating. It was wonderful and terrible and enlightening and gave me all the things that my relationship used to give me. And, like the duh billy club beat me over the head, I deeply understood that the most important relationship that I will ever have, the truly defining relationship that I can count on forever, is the one with myself. I think Carrie Bradshaw said that once. Which makes it true.

    I began thinking: I had devoted too much time to worrying about the opposite sex, busying myself with finding the one to fulfill me.

    Then, somewhere a shrill voice inside me said, WAKE UP LADY! You re the one!

    And I also realized, that like any relationship, my relationship with myself would take cultivating and attention. Work and Effort. Thought and Care. It would take putting myself in uncomfortable situations and pushing myself to make me a priority.

    Stay with me, here. Give this idea a moment to sink in. I asked myself some hard questions.

    What if I just met me? Would I make a good impression on myself?

    Would I have a crush on me?

    I ve got to give it attention, this real-life romance with myself, as if it s a brand new relationship.

    I don t know about you, but washing my hair is a must for a first date. Also, clean underwear. I psych myself up, I talk kindly about myself, and I don t talk about my past relationships (or gas).

    For me, it looks like putting my best foot forward, as if each day is a first date with myself. And it goes a little something like this

    How To Date Yourself in 10 Ways:

    1. Get ready. shower, shave, put on your feel-good make-up and do your hair in a fun, flirty, very you way. Every day. Make time for it. Maybe even get your nails done, and a fresh new haircut. Whatever it takes to make this feel real.

    2. Wear something fun that makes you feel oh-so-good. Show off your personality. Think about the you that you want to present to the world. You can forget a cleavage-bearing shirt everyday, unless that s your thing.

    3. Clean your space. Imagine you re expecting a guest to pick you up for your date. You wouldn t have an unmade, sick-dirty bed if you were going on a date, would you? No. You d pick up the trash off of the floor and put your laundry away. You d also probably do your dishes and clean your toilet. Probably.

    4. Tell your friends how excited you are. Only this time, it s how excited you are to get to know you. Tell them your goals, your specific hopes, everything about you that makes you giddy. And when they follow-up to see how your new relationship is going? Be honest. Use your friends and support system to hold you accountable.

    5. Have a plan. Lunch? Movie? That new restaurant or museum? Walk in the park followed by wine in the grass? A home-cooked new recipe prepared at home? Do it. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date.

    6. Give yourself a thoughtful gift. Flowers. Candy. A mix tape of your favorite tunes. Those earrings you ve been eyeing. And celebrate milestones. Days, weeks, or months of progress deserve attention, just like in any relationship.

    7. Leave yourself love notes. Sticky-notes on the mirror, your favorite quote scribbled inside your notebook, an inspirational photo, or

    8. Talk only positively about yourself. You wouldn t go on and on about your nasty habits or your dysfunctional family or your bout with depression on a date, would you? Maybe you would, after some wine, but focusing on the positive, at least this early in the game, always yields better results.

    9. Get to know you. Journal it. Learn who you are, what your goals and dreams are, and who you want to be. Your best self. Explore what that looks like. Map it out. Devote time to this part of the relationship; it will be the foundation that keeps you in a happy place when the going gets tough.

    10. Kiss yourself goodnight. Develop a night-time routine that is all about self-love. Maybe a cup of tea. Maybe a soothing read? Maybe some music? Sink into bed with that feeling that it s all falling into place.

    It s seems so very simple; clean underwear and sticky-notes on mirrors, yeah? It s more than that, but it s just that straightforward for me. It will take days and days of sticky notes and clean underwear and kissing myself goodnight, it will take the practice and dedication that I d usually be putting into my relationship with someone else, it will make me uncomfortable sometimes, and it will make life feel magical because I m learning that I can give myself everything I need.

    One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror.


    Online Arizona Divorce Legal Document Preparation, Paralegal Service, Quick Arizona Divorce, Separation and Bankruptcy #the #divorce #store, #online #divorce, #arizona #divorce, #bankruptcy, #chapter #7, #az #divorce, #legal #document #preparers #service, #paralegal #services, #arizona #paralegal, #divorce, #annulment, #legal #separation, #phoenix, #az, #wills, #trusts, #power #of #attorney, #custody, #legal #paperwork, #do #it #yourself #legal #kits, #legal #documents, #paternity, #child #support


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    40 and Single? Maybe You re Telling Yourself These 10 Lies #local #dating #service


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    10 Lies Singles Tell Themselves About Love After 40

    Single and sick of it? Find out what you can do to change your behavior.

    If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. You ve been in relationships before and you may want one now, but for whatever reason you haven t found the right person yet.

    Maybe you re divorced and frustrated with dating or haven t ventured back out to the dating pool. You could be a widow and unsure of ever finding another man like your husband. Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you re single again.

    As a dating coach for women over 40, I know finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. So what s the problem?

    This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking.

    Clients come to me with these limiting ideas about dating, love and men, and it s my job to help them turn things around. Working with me, women transform the lies to create opportunities. And that s how they manage to find love again!

    Here are some of the lies you may be telling yourself that are preventing you from finding love.

    1. All the good men are taken. This is what I hear most frequently from clients. However, thinking about this statistically, there just has to be good single men available since half the adult population in the U.S. is single. Men get divorced for the same reason women do; they grew apart from their wives, their wives cheated or circumstances just changed. Some men had their heart broken earlier in life and are just recovering and ready now. There are lots of reasons why good men are single and looking for a woman like you. The fact is that now, more than any other time in history, there are a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are single and looking for love. So don’t believe that there are no good men out there!
    2. I already had my one shot at love. Widows often believe this, particularly if they had a wonderful relationship with their husbands. They come away thinking that they will never find such a good man again. However, this is exactly the reason why it is possible; if you found great love once, you can certainly do it again. You have the track record for success. Consider your circumstances differently and recognize that you are a magnet for love, since your energy is filled with loving thoughts from your past.
    3. Looking for love is not worth the trouble. Dating is tough and you may reach a point when you feel that it is too exhausting and too much effort. But that feeling is just a symptom of your belief that you don t think it s possible to find love. On the other hand, if you really believe that you will find love, then you know every man you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right man for you. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find my adorable husband. Was I ever sad, disappointed or disgusted? Of course! But I would remind myself that I was on the path to find love and nothing was going to get in my way. So nothing did. It took dating 30 men, but it was completely worth every bad date and heartbreak along the way. Dating is a process. Be in it to win and find the love you deserve.
    4. If the guy s not a 10, I can t be bothered. If you feel this way, you will surely be single for a long time! After 40, the chances of Mr. Right knocking on your door are zero. You are going to have to get off the couch and do your part to cross paths with lots of men. Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. Will every man you meet be perfect? Of course not! Most of the men you meet will not be right. But you don t need them to be because you only need one. In addition, no man is perfect (and neither are you). The perfect man does not exist; he is a myth and a fairytale. However, I guarantee there is a man who is the right one for you. Get over this idea of perfection or you will stay single.
    5. He s not as great as my girlfriends. I m often surprised when a woman compares the men she dates to her girlfriends. Seriously? How could a man ever compare to your girlfriends? Men are not like women! They are dramatically different. We are not brought up the same, we have different innate skill sets and our brains are wired differently. We may be equals, but that does not make us the same. Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. However, that doesn t mean that men don t have their own amazing contribution to make to your life. The right man expands and enhances your life in ways your girlfriends never will. My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want.
    6. Most men are liars, cheats and players. Women who have been burned by a man (or know people who have) tend to believe this, which I can understand. As your dating coach, I ask you to consider whether it can really be true that all men are like this. Mathematically, it is just not possible. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. Personally, I found a man who is not like that, and I have many clients who have also found a fabulous, moral guy. When you believe that all men are terrible, you will look for evidence that your viewpoint is correct. If you believe men are wonderful, you will see examples to support that. Start looking for examples of quality men and you will notice that they are all around you.
    7. I never meet any interesting men. After 12 years of being a dating coach, one thing I know for sure about women who say this is that it s not that they don’t meet interesting men they don’t meet any men at all! These women usually aren t active and don t date much or interact with men. So it’s no surprise that don t meet anyone interesting. I was like this myself, before I got serious about finding love. Another note about wanting someone interesting”: I ve noticed many women find nice men to be boring and bad boys to be interesting. Yes, a bad boy s unpredictable and aloof personality does make him intriguing and you want to unravel the mystery. He becomes a challenge for you to win over. However, a bad boy won t change his stripes for you and won t be good relationship material. If you insist on dating bad boys, count on heartbreak and torturous love affairs that do not satisfy.
    8. There aren t any single men where I live. One of my clients, Sally, insisted that all of the men in her town were married. This is similar to the #1 lie that all the good men are taken but with a local spin. Granted, some areas do have more married than single people. But overall, 50% of adult Americans are not hitched, so they must live near you, too. Through coaching, Sally, who had lost her ability to notice men, was able to open her eyes to the ones around her and find one for herself.
    9. Men today do not want a relationship. Let s refer to Lie #6 about all men being liars, cheaters and players; obviously, generalizations don t hold much water. While not all men want a long-term relationship, there are certainly some who do. If you want love, you need to do your part to meet plenty of men and screen them. Coach Amy Schoen says one way to know if a man is serious about finding love is the way he talks about his life and dating. For example, if the guy you meet mentions moving or how much he loves women, he s probably not ready settle down. If he says he s tired of dating, he might be more serious about finding love. There are definitely men out there who would be thrilled to fall in love with you, but you need to do your part.
    10. I don t have time to date. This is something women tell themselves constantly. Yes, I know you are busy. But you make time for what you decide is important. To find love, you ll need to make it a priority. Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. If you cannot do that, you don t really want to find love. When I was looking for my husband, I went out at least once a week to a singles group or dance. Plus, I met men through personal ads (online dating was not popular yet in 1998) and had at least one coffee date, if not more, every weekend. You need to create the space in your schedule to find the love you want. If you say you just don t have it, I understand. But you also need to admit that love is not a priority for you. There is no shame in that because finding love takes effort and requires a strong desire to take the necessary steps.

    I hope reviewing these lies opened your mind to new ways of looking at dating over 40. Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well. Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it!

    More great content from YourTango:


    Dating a Divorced Man – 4 Questions to Ask Yourself First #online #dating #agencies


    #divorced dating

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    4 Questions to Ask Yourself before Dating a Divorced Man

    When I was single I dated a man who was divorced. Today as I listen to single women tell their stories about dating divorced men, I remember my experience well. I see them making choices about dating divorced men similar to ones I made. Choices based on the present but without enough regard on the past. These similarities make me think it is wise for women to ask four questions before dating a divorced man.

    Every year my church hosted a singles retreat in Destin, Florida on Labor Day weekend. It was the first year I went, and even though it was for singles, I was dating someone at the time, a man previously married. He went on the trip, too.

    My boyfriend and I spent time together, but we weren’t inseparable like you might think. At the time this annoyed me, and I wondered if he was as into me as I hoped.

    One afternoon I had been on the beach since after the morning general session, but I had not heard from my boyfriend all day. Finally around 3:30, he came to the beach and explained to me that he had gone to lunch with a group of people. Needless to say, this created a heated conversation of why he didn’t invite me to come along with him. It was also a red flag that my suspicions were right – we didn’t share the same level of interest in each other.

    When the night was over I went to his hotel room to see if he was there. As I stepped off of the elevator, I saw him straight ahead sitting on a glass-topped table in the hallway. He was crying. Not just crying a little bit, but sobbing. Then he said, “Here I am a 34-year-old man at a singles’ retreat.”

    That’s when I knew that dating someone who had been married was more complicated than dating someone who had not. There was extra “stuff” to work through – a whole other person from the past worth of stuff.

    Before you date a divorced man, ask these four questions:

    1. Is he legally divorced?

    This seems like an obvious first question. However, it’s astounding how many people, Christians and non-Christians, get into relationships with people before they are legally divorced. I imagine this is evidence of our societal apathy towards the marriage covenant.

    If it’s our desire to treat marriage as a covenant between two people that represents Jesus’ covenant with the Church, then we must respect marriage. That means that until a legal divorce has taken place, the person is still married, even if their separation from their spouse goes on for months or years.

    A healthy purpose for a dating relationship is to discern possible marriage. Otherwise the dating relationship is nothing more than selfishness of either one or both people. A good follow-up question to ask is, “If this person is still married, what is his purpose in dating me?” At this point it can’t be to get married because legally he can’t get remarried. Even if it’s to discern marriage for a future time when he can remarry, can he commit to you the attention needed for discerning marriage?

    2. How much time has passed?

    It takes time to heal from a divorce whether or not the divorce was a person’s choice. There are different opinions about how long it takes. Some say it takes at least a year. Some say it takes several years. And of course the time depends on the circumstances and what was done after the divorce to heal from it properly. In the story I told above, my boyfriend had been divorced for about three years and yet he was still hurting.

    Dating too soon after a divorce is sometimes a sign that the man is trying to fill the void left from his marriage. He might think that finding a significant other quickly will get life back to normal quickly. But like any breakup, a man must go through a grieving and healing process before he is ready to date.

    3. What steps has he taken to heal from the divorce?

    Not only does an adequate amount of time need to pass before someone starts dating after a divorce, but that time should be purposeful.

    Participating in professional counseling, mentoring, and support groups, ideally Christian-based, shows a man’s humility, maturity, and leadership. He understands the seriousness of divorce, and he’s taking steps to heal and grow emotionally and spiritually.

    However, it’s important that he begins this process before he starts dating again. He needs to seek healing for himself, not just to satisfy the wishes of a new girlfriend.

    4. What were the reasons for the divorce?

    Even though I have never been through a divorce, I imagine it is difficult to identify one clear reason for it. However, the question is still worth asking.

    Depending on your interpretation of scripture, your personal experiences with divorce, and your convictions, you may not agree with the reasons. You will also be able to see his body language and tone of voice as he talks about the divorce. The answer to this question could potentially give you valuable insight into how the man views marriage, handles conflict, and his plans for a future relationship or marriage.

    Asking someone the reasons for their divorce may seem brash, but I would argue that it is wise to ask it soon after meeting someone new. Divorce is not a subject to be taken lightly. A potential partner should offer this information willingly.

    Soon after the incident at the singles’ retreat my boyfriend and I broke up. If I had taken his past seriously and asked some tough questions, we may have not gone out again after the first date. Even though I knew breaking-up was the right decision, it’s always hard to say good-bye to someone you spend time getting to know. The sooner you can discern whether the relationship should go on, the better.

    This article is part of our larger resource: The Christian Woman’s Guide to Starting Over after Divorce: 7 In-Depth Steps to Take Starting Today. If you’re going through a divorce or are already divorced and looking for more resources, be sure to visit our guide!

    Related Video:

    Brenda Rodgers considers herself a “recovering single” after years as a single woman chasing after marriage instead of chasing after Jesus. Now her passion is to mentor young women to live purposefully and grow in their relationship with God and others. Brenda has been married for five years to a heart transplant hero and is the mom of a toddler girl miracle. She is also the author of the eBook Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single . You can also read more on Brenda’s blog, www.TripleBraidedLife.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook .


    How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways #dating #and #personals


    #how to date

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    How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways

    This year, though, it was less about me spending an hour shaving and more about reflection, introspection, and a journey into the heart of self-love.

    Believe me, I m no expert at the fine art of fierce self-love. I m generally much better at self-deprecation and self-sabotage.

    Backstory: I first began processing the idea of dating myself as I was going through a major, major breakup last year. It was the most defining relationship I d ever been a part of; it was with a man who was the first person to ever know me- the good, the bad, and the early in the morning me (yikes). It was a tumultuous, terrible, wonderful, bright, miserable, enlightening, and invigorating relationship- all at once. But, he just changed his mind one day. Something about not being able to stand me or something. And when it was over, I was, simply, alone.

    I didn t know where to turn for the highs and lows I d become so accustomed to over the years. I didn t know who to run to or how to distract myself from reality. I didn t have a definition anymore. It sucked big time.

    I was in hell. And not because I missed him. I was in hell because I knew in my deepest deep that I was just going to have to be me. I didn t know me and I didn t really want to get to know me, either. It seemed too scary. What if I didn t like me once I got to know me?

    Without much of a choice, and in a last ditch effort to pull myself up from the pile of potato chip bags and Ray Lamontagne CD s, I took myself on a date. I went to see a movie. Alone. By myself. Yes. Me in the theatre. A movie I couldn t talk anyone else into seeing with me. So I went. Just for me. And I dressed up. And I bought myself some sour candies and a big old popcorn. And it. felt. so. good.

    It actually was really scary. It was invigorating. It was wonderful and terrible and enlightening and gave me all the things that my relationship used to give me. And, like the duh billy club beat me over the head, I deeply understood that the most important relationship that I will ever have, the truly defining relationship that I can count on forever, is the one with myself. I think Carrie Bradshaw said that once. Which makes it true.

    I began thinking: I had devoted too much time to worrying about the opposite sex, busying myself with finding the one to fulfill me.

    Then, somewhere a shrill voice inside me said, WAKE UP LADY! You re the one!

    And I also realized, that like any relationship, my relationship with myself would take cultivating and attention. Work and Effort. Thought and Care. It would take putting myself in uncomfortable situations and pushing myself to make me a priority.

    Stay with me, here. Give this idea a moment to sink in. I asked myself some hard questions.

    What if I just met me? Would I make a good impression on myself?

    Would I have a crush on me?

    I ve got to give it attention, this real-life romance with myself, as if it s a brand new relationship.

    I don t know about you, but washing my hair is a must for a first date. Also, clean underwear. I psych myself up, I talk kindly about myself, and I don t talk about my past relationships (or gas).

    For me, it looks like putting my best foot forward, as if each day is a first date with myself. And it goes a little something like this

    How To Date Yourself in 10 Ways:

    1. Get ready. shower, shave, put on your feel-good make-up and do your hair in a fun, flirty, very you way. Every day. Make time for it. Maybe even get your nails done, and a fresh new haircut. Whatever it takes to make this feel real.

    2. Wear something fun that makes you feel oh-so-good. Show off your personality. Think about the you that you want to present to the world. You can forget a cleavage-bearing shirt everyday, unless that s your thing.

    3. Clean your space. Imagine you re expecting a guest to pick you up for your date. You wouldn t have an unmade, sick-dirty bed if you were going on a date, would you? No. You d pick up the trash off of the floor and put your laundry away. You d also probably do your dishes and clean your toilet. Probably.

    4. Tell your friends how excited you are. Only this time, it s how excited you are to get to know you. Tell them your goals, your specific hopes, everything about you that makes you giddy. And when they follow-up to see how your new relationship is going? Be honest. Use your friends and support system to hold you accountable.

    5. Have a plan. Lunch? Movie? That new restaurant or museum? Walk in the park followed by wine in the grass? A home-cooked new recipe prepared at home? Do it. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date.

    6. Give yourself a thoughtful gift. Flowers. Candy. A mix tape of your favorite tunes. Those earrings you ve been eyeing. And celebrate milestones. Days, weeks, or months of progress deserve attention, just like in any relationship.

    7. Leave yourself love notes. Sticky-notes on the mirror, your favorite quote scribbled inside your notebook, an inspirational photo, or

    8. Talk only positively about yourself. You wouldn t go on and on about your nasty habits or your dysfunctional family or your bout with depression on a date, would you? Maybe you would, after some wine, but focusing on the positive, at least this early in the game, always yields better results.

    9. Get to know you. Journal it. Learn who you are, what your goals and dreams are, and who you want to be. Your best self. Explore what that looks like. Map it out. Devote time to this part of the relationship; it will be the foundation that keeps you in a happy place when the going gets tough.

    10. Kiss yourself goodnight. Develop a night-time routine that is all about self-love. Maybe a cup of tea. Maybe a soothing read? Maybe some music? Sink into bed with that feeling that it s all falling into place.

    It s seems so very simple; clean underwear and sticky-notes on mirrors, yeah? It s more than that, but it s just that straightforward for me. It will take days and days of sticky notes and clean underwear and kissing myself goodnight, it will take the practice and dedication that I d usually be putting into my relationship with someone else, it will make me uncomfortable sometimes, and it will make life feel magical because I m learning that I can give myself everything I need.

    One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror.


    40 and Single? Maybe You re Telling Yourself These 10 Lies #100 #online #dating


    #40 dating singles

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    10 Lies Singles Tell Themselves About Love After 40

    Single and sick of it? Find out what you can do to change your behavior.

    If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. You ve been in relationships before and you may want one now, but for whatever reason you haven t found the right person yet.

    Maybe you re divorced and frustrated with dating or haven t ventured back out to the dating pool. You could be a widow and unsure of ever finding another man like your husband. Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you re single again.

    As a dating coach for women over 40, I know finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. So what s the problem?

    This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking.

    Clients come to me with these limiting ideas about dating, love and men, and it s my job to help them turn things around. Working with me, women transform the lies to create opportunities. And that s how they manage to find love again!

    Here are some of the lies you may be telling yourself that are preventing you from finding love.

    1. All the good men are taken. This is what I hear most frequently from clients. However, thinking about this statistically, there just has to be good single men available since half the adult population in the U.S. is single. Men get divorced for the same reason women do; they grew apart from their wives, their wives cheated or circumstances just changed. Some men had their heart broken earlier in life and are just recovering and ready now. There are lots of reasons why good men are single and looking for a woman like you. The fact is that now, more than any other time in history, there are a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are single and looking for love. So don’t believe that there are no good men out there!
    2. I already had my one shot at love. Widows often believe this, particularly if they had a wonderful relationship with their husbands. They come away thinking that they will never find such a good man again. However, this is exactly the reason why it is possible; if you found great love once, you can certainly do it again. You have the track record for success. Consider your circumstances differently and recognize that you are a magnet for love, since your energy is filled with loving thoughts from your past.
    3. Looking for love is not worth the trouble. Dating is tough and you may reach a point when you feel that it is too exhausting and too much effort. But that feeling is just a symptom of your belief that you don t think it s possible to find love. On the other hand, if you really believe that you will find love, then you know every man you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right man for you. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find my adorable husband. Was I ever sad, disappointed or disgusted? Of course! But I would remind myself that I was on the path to find love and nothing was going to get in my way. So nothing did. It took dating 30 men, but it was completely worth every bad date and heartbreak along the way. Dating is a process. Be in it to win and find the love you deserve.
    4. If the guy s not a 10, I can t be bothered. If you feel this way, you will surely be single for a long time! After 40, the chances of Mr. Right knocking on your door are zero. You are going to have to get off the couch and do your part to cross paths with lots of men. Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. Will every man you meet be perfect? Of course not! Most of the men you meet will not be right. But you don t need them to be because you only need one. In addition, no man is perfect (and neither are you). The perfect man does not exist; he is a myth and a fairytale. However, I guarantee there is a man who is the right one for you. Get over this idea of perfection or you will stay single.
    5. He s not as great as my girlfriends. I m often surprised when a woman compares the men she dates to her girlfriends. Seriously? How could a man ever compare to your girlfriends? Men are not like women! They are dramatically different. We are not brought up the same, we have different innate skill sets and our brains are wired differently. We may be equals, but that does not make us the same. Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. However, that doesn t mean that men don t have their own amazing contribution to make to your life. The right man expands and enhances your life in ways your girlfriends never will. My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want.
    6. Most men are liars, cheats and players. Women who have been burned by a man (or know people who have) tend to believe this, which I can understand. As your dating coach, I ask you to consider whether it can really be true that all men are like this. Mathematically, it is just not possible. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. Personally, I found a man who is not like that, and I have many clients who have also found a fabulous, moral guy. When you believe that all men are terrible, you will look for evidence that your viewpoint is correct. If you believe men are wonderful, you will see examples to support that. Start looking for examples of quality men and you will notice that they are all around you.
    7. I never meet any interesting men. After 12 years of being a dating coach, one thing I know for sure about women who say this is that it s not that they don’t meet interesting men they don’t meet any men at all! These women usually aren t active and don t date much or interact with men. So it’s no surprise that don t meet anyone interesting. I was like this myself, before I got serious about finding love. Another note about wanting someone interesting”: I ve noticed many women find nice men to be boring and bad boys to be interesting. Yes, a bad boy s unpredictable and aloof personality does make him intriguing and you want to unravel the mystery. He becomes a challenge for you to win over. However, a bad boy won t change his stripes for you and won t be good relationship material. If you insist on dating bad boys, count on heartbreak and torturous love affairs that do not satisfy.
    8. There aren t any single men where I live. One of my clients, Sally, insisted that all of the men in her town were married. This is similar to the #1 lie that all the good men are taken but with a local spin. Granted, some areas do have more married than single people. But overall, 50% of adult Americans are not hitched, so they must live near you, too. Through coaching, Sally, who had lost her ability to notice men, was able to open her eyes to the ones around her and find one for herself.
    9. Men today do not want a relationship. Let s refer to Lie #6 about all men being liars, cheaters and players; obviously, generalizations don t hold much water. While not all men want a long-term relationship, there are certainly some who do. If you want love, you need to do your part to meet plenty of men and screen them. Coach Amy Schoen says one way to know if a man is serious about finding love is the way he talks about his life and dating. For example, if the guy you meet mentions moving or how much he loves women, he s probably not ready settle down. If he says he s tired of dating, he might be more serious about finding love. There are definitely men out there who would be thrilled to fall in love with you, but you need to do your part.
    10. I don t have time to date. This is something women tell themselves constantly. Yes, I know you are busy. But you make time for what you decide is important. To find love, you ll need to make it a priority. Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. If you cannot do that, you don t really want to find love. When I was looking for my husband, I went out at least once a week to a singles group or dance. Plus, I met men through personal ads (online dating was not popular yet in 1998) and had at least one coffee date, if not more, every weekend. You need to create the space in your schedule to find the love you want. If you say you just don t have it, I understand. But you also need to admit that love is not a priority for you. There is no shame in that because finding love takes effort and requires a strong desire to take the necessary steps.

    I hope reviewing these lies opened your mind to new ways of looking at dating over 40. Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well. Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it!

    More great content from YourTango:


    Dating a Divorced Man – 4 Questions to Ask Yourself First #computer #dating


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    4 Questions to Ask Yourself before Dating a Divorced Man

    When I was single I dated a man who was divorced. Today as I listen to single women tell their stories about dating divorced men, I remember my experience well. I see them making choices about dating divorced men similar to ones I made. Choices based on the present but without enough regard on the past. These similarities make me think it is wise for women to ask four questions before dating a divorced man.

    Every year my church hosted a singles retreat in Destin, Florida on Labor Day weekend. It was the first year I went, and even though it was for singles, I was dating someone at the time, a man previously married. He went on the trip, too.

    My boyfriend and I spent time together, but we weren’t inseparable like you might think. At the time this annoyed me, and I wondered if he was as into me as I hoped.

    One afternoon I had been on the beach since after the morning general session, but I had not heard from my boyfriend all day. Finally around 3:30, he came to the beach and explained to me that he had gone to lunch with a group of people. Needless to say, this created a heated conversation of why he didn’t invite me to come along with him. It was also a red flag that my suspicions were right – we didn’t share the same level of interest in each other.

    When the night was over I went to his hotel room to see if he was there. As I stepped off of the elevator, I saw him straight ahead sitting on a glass-topped table in the hallway. He was crying. Not just crying a little bit, but sobbing. Then he said, “Here I am a 34-year-old man at a singles’ retreat.”

    That’s when I knew that dating someone who had been married was more complicated than dating someone who had not. There was extra “stuff” to work through – a whole other person from the past worth of stuff.

    Before you date a divorced man, ask these four questions:

    1. Is he legally divorced?

    This seems like an obvious first question. However, it’s astounding how many people, Christians and non-Christians, get into relationships with people before they are legally divorced. I imagine this is evidence of our societal apathy towards the marriage covenant.

    If it’s our desire to treat marriage as a covenant between two people that represents Jesus’ covenant with the Church, then we must respect marriage. That means that until a legal divorce has taken place, the person is still married, even if their separation from their spouse goes on for months or years.

    A healthy purpose for a dating relationship is to discern possible marriage. Otherwise the dating relationship is nothing more than selfishness of either one or both people. A good follow-up question to ask is, “If this person is still married, what is his purpose in dating me?” At this point it can’t be to get married because legally he can’t get remarried. Even if it’s to discern marriage for a future time when he can remarry, can he commit to you the attention needed for discerning marriage?

    2. How much time has passed?

    It takes time to heal from a divorce whether or not the divorce was a person’s choice. There are different opinions about how long it takes. Some say it takes at least a year. Some say it takes several years. And of course the time depends on the circumstances and what was done after the divorce to heal from it properly. In the story I told above, my boyfriend had been divorced for about three years and yet he was still hurting.

    Dating too soon after a divorce is sometimes a sign that the man is trying to fill the void left from his marriage. He might think that finding a significant other quickly will get life back to normal quickly. But like any breakup, a man must go through a grieving and healing process before he is ready to date.

    3. What steps has he taken to heal from the divorce?

    Not only does an adequate amount of time need to pass before someone starts dating after a divorce, but that time should be purposeful.

    Participating in professional counseling, mentoring, and support groups, ideally Christian-based, shows a man’s humility, maturity, and leadership. He understands the seriousness of divorce, and he’s taking steps to heal and grow emotionally and spiritually.

    However, it’s important that he begins this process before he starts dating again. He needs to seek healing for himself, not just to satisfy the wishes of a new girlfriend.

    4. What were the reasons for the divorce?

    Even though I have never been through a divorce, I imagine it is difficult to identify one clear reason for it. However, the question is still worth asking.

    Depending on your interpretation of scripture, your personal experiences with divorce, and your convictions, you may not agree with the reasons. You will also be able to see his body language and tone of voice as he talks about the divorce. The answer to this question could potentially give you valuable insight into how the man views marriage, handles conflict, and his plans for a future relationship or marriage.

    Asking someone the reasons for their divorce may seem brash, but I would argue that it is wise to ask it soon after meeting someone new. Divorce is not a subject to be taken lightly. A potential partner should offer this information willingly.

    Soon after the incident at the singles’ retreat my boyfriend and I broke up. If I had taken his past seriously and asked some tough questions, we may have not gone out again after the first date. Even though I knew breaking-up was the right decision, it’s always hard to say good-bye to someone you spend time getting to know. The sooner you can discern whether the relationship should go on, the better.

    This article is part of our larger resource: The Christian Woman’s Guide to Starting Over after Divorce: 7 In-Depth Steps to Take Starting Today. If you’re going through a divorce or are already divorced and looking for more resources, be sure to visit our guide!

    Related Video:

    Brenda Rodgers considers herself a “recovering single” after years as a single woman chasing after marriage instead of chasing after Jesus. Now her passion is to mentor young women to live purposefully and grow in their relationship with God and others. Brenda has been married for five years to a heart transplant hero and is the mom of a toddler girl miracle. She is also the author of the eBook Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single . You can also read more on Brenda’s blog, www.TripleBraidedLife.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook .


    How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways #single #date


    #how to date

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    How to Date Yourself in 10 Ways

    This year, though, it was less about me spending an hour shaving and more about reflection, introspection, and a journey into the heart of self-love.

    Believe me, I m no expert at the fine art of fierce self-love. I m generally much better at self-deprecation and self-sabotage.

    Backstory: I first began processing the idea of dating myself as I was going through a major, major breakup last year. It was the most defining relationship I d ever been a part of; it was with a man who was the first person to ever know me- the good, the bad, and the early in the morning me (yikes). It was a tumultuous, terrible, wonderful, bright, miserable, enlightening, and invigorating relationship- all at once. But, he just changed his mind one day. Something about not being able to stand me or something. And when it was over, I was, simply, alone.

    I didn t know where to turn for the highs and lows I d become so accustomed to over the years. I didn t know who to run to or how to distract myself from reality. I didn t have a definition anymore. It sucked big time.

    I was in hell. And not because I missed him. I was in hell because I knew in my deepest deep that I was just going to have to be me. I didn t know me and I didn t really want to get to know me, either. It seemed too scary. What if I didn t like me once I got to know me?

    Without much of a choice, and in a last ditch effort to pull myself up from the pile of potato chip bags and Ray Lamontagne CD s, I took myself on a date. I went to see a movie. Alone. By myself. Yes. Me in the theatre. A movie I couldn t talk anyone else into seeing with me. So I went. Just for me. And I dressed up. And I bought myself some sour candies and a big old popcorn. And it. felt. so. good.

    It actually was really scary. It was invigorating. It was wonderful and terrible and enlightening and gave me all the things that my relationship used to give me. And, like the duh billy club beat me over the head, I deeply understood that the most important relationship that I will ever have, the truly defining relationship that I can count on forever, is the one with myself. I think Carrie Bradshaw said that once. Which makes it true.

    I began thinking: I had devoted too much time to worrying about the opposite sex, busying myself with finding the one to fulfill me.

    Then, somewhere a shrill voice inside me said, WAKE UP LADY! You re the one!

    And I also realized, that like any relationship, my relationship with myself would take cultivating and attention. Work and Effort. Thought and Care. It would take putting myself in uncomfortable situations and pushing myself to make me a priority.

    Stay with me, here. Give this idea a moment to sink in. I asked myself some hard questions.

    What if I just met me? Would I make a good impression on myself?

    Would I have a crush on me?

    I ve got to give it attention, this real-life romance with myself, as if it s a brand new relationship.

    I don t know about you, but washing my hair is a must for a first date. Also, clean underwear. I psych myself up, I talk kindly about myself, and I don t talk about my past relationships (or gas).

    For me, it looks like putting my best foot forward, as if each day is a first date with myself. And it goes a little something like this

    How To Date Yourself in 10 Ways:

    1. Get ready. shower, shave, put on your feel-good make-up and do your hair in a fun, flirty, very you way. Every day. Make time for it. Maybe even get your nails done, and a fresh new haircut. Whatever it takes to make this feel real.

    2. Wear something fun that makes you feel oh-so-good. Show off your personality. Think about the you that you want to present to the world. You can forget a cleavage-bearing shirt everyday, unless that s your thing.

    3. Clean your space. Imagine you re expecting a guest to pick you up for your date. You wouldn t have an unmade, sick-dirty bed if you were going on a date, would you? No. You d pick up the trash off of the floor and put your laundry away. You d also probably do your dishes and clean your toilet. Probably.

    4. Tell your friends how excited you are. Only this time, it s how excited you are to get to know you. Tell them your goals, your specific hopes, everything about you that makes you giddy. And when they follow-up to see how your new relationship is going? Be honest. Use your friends and support system to hold you accountable.

    5. Have a plan. Lunch? Movie? That new restaurant or museum? Walk in the park followed by wine in the grass? A home-cooked new recipe prepared at home? Do it. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date.

    6. Give yourself a thoughtful gift. Flowers. Candy. A mix tape of your favorite tunes. Those earrings you ve been eyeing. And celebrate milestones. Days, weeks, or months of progress deserve attention, just like in any relationship.

    7. Leave yourself love notes. Sticky-notes on the mirror, your favorite quote scribbled inside your notebook, an inspirational photo, or

    8. Talk only positively about yourself. You wouldn t go on and on about your nasty habits or your dysfunctional family or your bout with depression on a date, would you? Maybe you would, after some wine, but focusing on the positive, at least this early in the game, always yields better results.

    9. Get to know you. Journal it. Learn who you are, what your goals and dreams are, and who you want to be. Your best self. Explore what that looks like. Map it out. Devote time to this part of the relationship; it will be the foundation that keeps you in a happy place when the going gets tough.

    10. Kiss yourself goodnight. Develop a night-time routine that is all about self-love. Maybe a cup of tea. Maybe a soothing read? Maybe some music? Sink into bed with that feeling that it s all falling into place.

    It s seems so very simple; clean underwear and sticky-notes on mirrors, yeah? It s more than that, but it s just that straightforward for me. It will take days and days of sticky notes and clean underwear and kissing myself goodnight, it will take the practice and dedication that I d usually be putting into my relationship with someone else, it will make me uncomfortable sometimes, and it will make life feel magical because I m learning that I can give myself everything I need.

    One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror.


    40 and Single? Maybe You re Telling Yourself These 10 Lies #russian #women #dating


    #40 dating singles

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    10 Lies Singles Tell Themselves About Love After 40

    Single and sick of it? Find out what you can do to change your behavior.

    If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. You ve been in relationships before and you may want one now, but for whatever reason you haven t found the right person yet.

    Maybe you re divorced and frustrated with dating or haven t ventured back out to the dating pool. You could be a widow and unsure of ever finding another man like your husband. Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you re single again.

    As a dating coach for women over 40, I know finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. So what s the problem?

    This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking.

    Clients come to me with these limiting ideas about dating, love and men, and it s my job to help them turn things around. Working with me, women transform the lies to create opportunities. And that s how they manage to find love again!

    Here are some of the lies you may be telling yourself that are preventing you from finding love.

    1. All the good men are taken. This is what I hear most frequently from clients. However, thinking about this statistically, there just has to be good single men available since half the adult population in the U.S. is single. Men get divorced for the same reason women do; they grew apart from their wives, their wives cheated or circumstances just changed. Some men had their heart broken earlier in life and are just recovering and ready now. There are lots of reasons why good men are single and looking for a woman like you. The fact is that now, more than any other time in history, there are a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are single and looking for love. So don’t believe that there are no good men out there!
    2. I already had my one shot at love. Widows often believe this, particularly if they had a wonderful relationship with their husbands. They come away thinking that they will never find such a good man again. However, this is exactly the reason why it is possible; if you found great love once, you can certainly do it again. You have the track record for success. Consider your circumstances differently and recognize that you are a magnet for love, since your energy is filled with loving thoughts from your past.
    3. Looking for love is not worth the trouble. Dating is tough and you may reach a point when you feel that it is too exhausting and too much effort. But that feeling is just a symptom of your belief that you don t think it s possible to find love. On the other hand, if you really believe that you will find love, then you know every man you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right man for you. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find my adorable husband. Was I ever sad, disappointed or disgusted? Of course! But I would remind myself that I was on the path to find love and nothing was going to get in my way. So nothing did. It took dating 30 men, but it was completely worth every bad date and heartbreak along the way. Dating is a process. Be in it to win and find the love you deserve.
    4. If the guy s not a 10, I can t be bothered. If you feel this way, you will surely be single for a long time! After 40, the chances of Mr. Right knocking on your door are zero. You are going to have to get off the couch and do your part to cross paths with lots of men. Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. Will every man you meet be perfect? Of course not! Most of the men you meet will not be right. But you don t need them to be because you only need one. In addition, no man is perfect (and neither are you). The perfect man does not exist; he is a myth and a fairytale. However, I guarantee there is a man who is the right one for you. Get over this idea of perfection or you will stay single.
    5. He s not as great as my girlfriends. I m often surprised when a woman compares the men she dates to her girlfriends. Seriously? How could a man ever compare to your girlfriends? Men are not like women! They are dramatically different. We are not brought up the same, we have different innate skill sets and our brains are wired differently. We may be equals, but that does not make us the same. Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. However, that doesn t mean that men don t have their own amazing contribution to make to your life. The right man expands and enhances your life in ways your girlfriends never will. My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want.
    6. Most men are liars, cheats and players. Women who have been burned by a man (or know people who have) tend to believe this, which I can understand. As your dating coach, I ask you to consider whether it can really be true that all men are like this. Mathematically, it is just not possible. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. Personally, I found a man who is not like that, and I have many clients who have also found a fabulous, moral guy. When you believe that all men are terrible, you will look for evidence that your viewpoint is correct. If you believe men are wonderful, you will see examples to support that. Start looking for examples of quality men and you will notice that they are all around you.
    7. I never meet any interesting men. After 12 years of being a dating coach, one thing I know for sure about women who say this is that it s not that they don’t meet interesting men they don’t meet any men at all! These women usually aren t active and don t date much or interact with men. So it’s no surprise that don t meet anyone interesting. I was like this myself, before I got serious about finding love. Another note about wanting someone interesting”: I ve noticed many women find nice men to be boring and bad boys to be interesting. Yes, a bad boy s unpredictable and aloof personality does make him intriguing and you want to unravel the mystery. He becomes a challenge for you to win over. However, a bad boy won t change his stripes for you and won t be good relationship material. If you insist on dating bad boys, count on heartbreak and torturous love affairs that do not satisfy.
    8. There aren t any single men where I live. One of my clients, Sally, insisted that all of the men in her town were married. This is similar to the #1 lie that all the good men are taken but with a local spin. Granted, some areas do have more married than single people. But overall, 50% of adult Americans are not hitched, so they must live near you, too. Through coaching, Sally, who had lost her ability to notice men, was able to open her eyes to the ones around her and find one for herself.
    9. Men today do not want a relationship. Let s refer to Lie #6 about all men being liars, cheaters and players; obviously, generalizations don t hold much water. While not all men want a long-term relationship, there are certainly some who do. If you want love, you need to do your part to meet plenty of men and screen them. Coach Amy Schoen says one way to know if a man is serious about finding love is the way he talks about his life and dating. For example, if the guy you meet mentions moving or how much he loves women, he s probably not ready settle down. If he says he s tired of dating, he might be more serious about finding love. There are definitely men out there who would be thrilled to fall in love with you, but you need to do your part.
    10. I don t have time to date. This is something women tell themselves constantly. Yes, I know you are busy. But you make time for what you decide is important. To find love, you ll need to make it a priority. Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. If you cannot do that, you don t really want to find love. When I was looking for my husband, I went out at least once a week to a singles group or dance. Plus, I met men through personal ads (online dating was not popular yet in 1998) and had at least one coffee date, if not more, every weekend. You need to create the space in your schedule to find the love you want. If you say you just don t have it, I understand. But you also need to admit that love is not a priority for you. There is no shame in that because finding love takes effort and requires a strong desire to take the necessary steps.

    I hope reviewing these lies opened your mind to new ways of looking at dating over 40. Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well. Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it!

    More great content from YourTango: